and now i'm tired

very tired. goodnight.

the joy in drama

k, so as if i didn't have enough in nine days, what with mirabelle, job interview, and mr. hc, my brother-in-law decided to have a heart attack yesterday. thankfully it was mild, and he's doing okay, but of course, at the time of the phone call, we didn't know how bad it was. and so, in all ironicness, after going to my sister's last friday to escape all that was going on, i went to my sister's this friday to deal with the new stuff going on. i was so, so thankful to not be in chicago.
anyway...when we got the phone call, my first thought was, 'where are the girls and how are they doing?' it wasn't that i wasn't concerned about enrique and hobbitsister, it was that i knew where i needed to be. i knew my parents would take off for the hospital to be with hobsis, so she was in effect taken care of (or would be once they got there - they left town about 20-30 minutes after i did). but i couldn't stop thinking about two scared little girls (it's amazing how little they become at a time like that) who needed me. there was no question - my place was with the girls, my parents' place was with my sister and brother-in-law. later it reminded me of when i had my first seizure, with all my cousins around. mrs. cheap cousin talked with the medics, purple cousin made sure the kids who were there were taken care of, goose cousin held my hand and prayed - everyone just naturally did what they do (or so i'm told - i don't remember one whit of it). i like how GOD figures that kind of stuff out ahead of time, giving us different gifts and capabilities and hearts, and thus everything gets taken care of. (HE also made sure i had gas in my car and my phone was charged so i was ready to go.)
when i got there i saw that the girls were holding up pretty well. my cousin baby girl (who's six) was there because they were babysitting her this weekend, and i think she was a good distraction (i prayed lots on the way up there that she would be). we four girls played barbies instead of thinking. nothing wrong with that.
it was also so encouraging to see how many people were praying; how many people i could call on to pray. first i called my brother, then goose cousin, my diana, chelleybutton, auntie auntie (who said she was calling the rest of the family - of whom there are many), mrs. army cousin, and jeanie. i thought about calling uncle swedish chef or slip aunt, but since when i called auntie auntie (the other side of the family) my mom had already called her, i figured my mom had called them, too. i also knew that i would post something on facebook, which would get people praying. and then i stopped. and thanked GOD. i thanked GOD so very, very much for the amazingly huge number of amazing people who i could call on to pray. it's such a big number, really and truly. i am so very, very blessed.
another thing i got to thank GOD for was when i was on the phone with jeanie. she prayed, and then as we went to hang up, i gave a start. there's a trucking place (or something, i don't really know what) on the way to my sister's that is owned by Christians. i know this because they have a sign that sometimes says nice things like on Easter, "HE is Risen!" or at Christmastime, "Celebrate JESUS' birth!" it says other things other times, too. like this time. right as i was hanging up with my last phone call, the sign popped up, "GOD loves you!" i laughed. it felt like a hug.

i should be cleaning

thus these posts and new one on spoiling point

Back to the whole Tolkien and Mother Teresa thing

I think there's something to the Catholic faith. Their faith is far more tangible than ours. I think that's why, when I'm having trouble seeing the spiritual, I turn to Catholocism; Tolkien, Mother Teresa, Brother Lawrence, Henri Nouwen, and such. Their faith focuses on the Creation, the Fall, the Birth, the Crucifixion, the Resurrection, the Ascension. Protestants focus on faith, grace, mercy, love, joy, forgiveness. All of these latter things are good to focus on, but when I can't see the spiritual plane, I need to look at the former things; to see GOD's hand in the world, not just in my heart and mind. All of history points to GOD: I need to see that sometimes in order to see HIM.
And so I am thankful for my Catholic brothers and sisters. I wish sometime Christians could find the balancing point, because I feel like we Protestants, in our fear of sounding Catholic, miss out. And the same is true for them. Can't wait for GOD to unite all true Believers someday!

gonna see mr. hc again sometime

because, he said (via fb), "After debriefing my friends Anna and Ruth, I discovered there are several topics of discussion that we didn't cover." gotta love girls. :)

My Alphabetical Biography List: Harold, the last Anglo-Saxon king

"Harold: The Last Anglo-Saxon King," by Ian W. Walker
This would make a great epic boy movie; battles, political intrigues, usurperness. I often felt like I was reading a boy movie. The facts they know about him are few, but if you were to fill in a few blanks you could get a great "based on a true story." Basically he was an earl (and brother-in-law of the king) in the middle of the 11th century, a time when the reigning monarch had no children. Between Vikings and Normans, England had wars on two fronts, and when King Edward died, his only heir, a great-nephew, was too young to rule such a tumultuous country. And so Harold stepped in and ascended the throne, reigning only nine months before William the Conqueror, well, conquered.
It was an interesting book, but with all the odd names and places, as well as trying to keep alliances straight and all that, it got a little confusing at times. Still a good choice for "H," though.

update

no, not on anything recent. on something from years ago.
i'm updating my list.
sorry, george, you're getting old. i love ya, but i gotta make room somewhere. so good-bye, george clooney,

hello, alex o'loughlin!

happy birthday, my cuddyer!

you may be a rockie now, but i'll still call you mine, because you are still in my heart (and always will be).

happy belated (by one week) national dance day!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEnG8SxEOaY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nyg0TbS1f38
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3x5qScV4jU (skip ahead to 1:20)

(best season of dancing with the stars, i tell ya)

i've had lots of posts in my head for a week at least

but because of all the craziness i haven't been able to do them. right now i do want to mention one, though.
today is my cuddyer's birthday. happy birthday! (i'll give you a proper birthday greeting soon.)

for real

i really love cheese puffs

now a little pay-off for you girls :)

i had a nice time this afternoon, and actually our coffee turned into supper, too (and he paid for both). i'm not gonna say, yay, he's the one, but i would definitely be willing to get together again. he's chatty, but he's also good at coming up with questions to get the other person talking, which is nice. (i stink at that. it's not that i don't care, i just don't know what to ask.) i'm glad we did supper, too, because while conversation at the coffee shop was fine, it was more get-to-know-you type. by the time we had supper, it was flowing a little more naturally. and actually when we walked back to the coffee shop (it was two or three blocks from the restaurant), we didn't talk for part of the way, and the silence wasn't at all awkward.
one thing that did give me pause was that there was really no GOD talk on his end. but then this was the first time we've met, so i can't really fault him for that yet.
um...i don't know what else there is to say. oh, except that it was cool enough for me to wear my sweater like i had planned, and dumb me left my jacket in my car when we were at the coffee shop sitting outside, which was cold in the blusteriness! and here's my outfit for those of you who asked. it's really not that exciting, and it's really hard to take a picture of an outfit that you're wearing, so this is the best i could do.

special for honormommy

since i don't know anyone to tag, i'm copping out of part of this, but i'll do the first half. the trick is that i already posted 30 things about me one time (http://i-am-a-hobbit.blogspot.com/2010/11/30-things.html), as well as a few of my favorite things (http://i-am-a-hobbit.blogspot.com/2008/04/few-of-my-favorite-things.html), so 11 more random things could be hard to come by. but i'll try. :)

11 Things
1. i wash my white socks in whatever color load i'm doing at the time. i really don't care if they stay white, and i go through them fast because i try to save my cute ones for when people are going to see them. plain white are cheaper.
2. if i won the lottery, i would go to oxford and get my master's in philology (shocker, i know).
3. when all this stressful craziness came up last week, i had just finished a book. and so i picked up 'les mis.' it's my comfort book.
4. i want a pet frog, but i'm also slightly scared of them cuz they're fast, plus also they might pee on me.
5. i hate the sound of whispering.
6. i love climbing things (trees, trails, climbing walls), but i hate coming down, cuz i might die.
7. i'm the slowest vegetable peeler in the world.
8. i'm usually not a brand shopper, but don't mess with my skippy (creamy) peanut butter, premium saltines, or honey maid grahams. also, don't name your son graham.

9. i've been watching the first season of 'better off ted' on netflix when i'm at hobbitsister's. naturally, i've developed a crush on ted. hobsis doesn't see it, saying he looks and walks like a ken doll. i say i can't help it: he was 38.

10. i'm allergic to beets, which makes me happy, because i hate beets.
11. i can't not have dessert. whether it's a cookie, applesauce, peaches, licorice, or 4 m&ms, i have to have something. i don't like the aftertaste of meat and potatoes.

Questions from HM
1. What is your favorite color? green. it might not be that easy being green, but green's the color of spring. and green can be cool and friendly-like. and green can be big like an ocean, or important like a mountain, or tall like a tree.
2. If you could teach a dog a new trick, what would it be? why on earth would i want to spend any more time with a dog than i have to?
3. Do you enjoy singing? How about just in the shower? of course i do! today my shower consisted of some awesome abba karaoke.
4. If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be? teleportation
5. Can you do a cartwheel? nope
6. What is your favorite sound? hm...that's a tough one. i think i'm going to go with wind in the trees. although baby giggles are pretty great. :)
7. What would you do with $27.56? sadly, i'm a saver. i'd probably stick it in the bank or buy something practical, like my meds.
8. Do you have any weird tricks? (i.e., double jointed? wiggle your nose?, etc.) i can cross my toes, but that's about it.
9. If you had to give up one of your five senses, which would it be and why? i'd say smell, but that means taste, too. but i feel like that would affect my life less than other things. maybe i'll just say taste, even though i'd really miss dark chocolate and my mom's spaghetti and apples.
10. Do you have a favorite Bible verse? What is it? that depends on my mood. i really like this one, though:
"Here is a trustworthy saying:
If we died with HIM,
we will also live with HIM;
if we endure,
we will also reign with HIM.
If we disown HIM,
HE will also disown us;
if we are faithless,
HE remains faithful,
for HE cannot disown HIMSELF." II Tim. 2:11-13
it's very comforting.
11. Which do you prefer: car, boat, or airplane? (money is no object) i'm gonna say airplane cuz then i get wherever i'm going faster, although i really like the whole sing-along in the car thing.

and sorry, honormommy, that's where i end.

breathing freely

mirabelle is in the hospital. originally they were thinking she'd be out today, and her husband wanted me to go down to help out this week, which got me all turned in circles. somehow i would've made it work, but it was awfully last minute for going to chicago, considering drive time and all that. now, however, it's looking like she won't be out til at least the end of the week, and her mom will be able to be down there by then, and her sister will be there next week. it sounds like they won't need me any time soon, so i'll probably go down a few months from now. (although i did tell him to call me if they needed anything.)
this, in turn, meant that i was free to make plans with mr. hc. we'll be meeting tomorrow afternoon for coffee. :)
still no word on the job front, but i'm sure i'll hear soon.
so finally, after a week of chaos, i'm feeling unflustered. two of the things are out of my hands, and the one thing i can control is controlled, as i'll finally meet that boy tomorrow.

another slew of updates

i got a text from mirabelle's husband thursday night saying they were in the ER waiting to see a psych doc. he said he'd let me know more when they knew more, and this morning left a message, but the connection was so bad i didn't get one thing out of what he said, and he didn't answer when i called him. personally, i'm hoping she was committed for now, but i have no idea. i'm just really thankful that her friend was there and heard what she was like when i talked with her the other night, and that they got her to a doctor thursday.
rather than staying home and sleeping and thinking too much this weekend, i decided to go to hobbitsister's, which i think was definitely a good thing. it's hard to just sit there with time to think when you're too far away to do anything. hobsis's family is a good distraction.
today i got a message from mr. hc saying we could get together today or tomorrow or tuesday. so seeing as i'm not home this weekend, it looks like tuesday, but i don't know more than that yet.
and that's that.
thank you girls again for praying in all this craziness!

GOD is bigger than the boogeyman

"Then David said to the Philistine, 'You come to me with a sword, with a spear, and with a javelin. But I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.'" - I Sam. 17:45
so take that, whatever mental disorder is trying to claim my friend!

interview

i think it went okay. they have one other person to interview, so we'll see. it is full-time, with the only negative i can see being that i don't get done til 5:30 which is bad if i ever want to go out of town for the weekend. but for as often as i go out of town, it would be worth it.
i'm hoping that if i get the job, i can either swing going to see mirabelle right away before i start, or that mirabelle's husband will say that it would be great if i could come in a few months (after i've gotten settled in the new job). hopefully i can get some sort of answer out of him (i have the feeling he's going to say, 'whatever works for you') when i call him tonight.
why is it that this girl who never has anything going on in her life suddenly has everything going on?

really hoping he doesn't want to meet this weekend

i just want to hermitize. too much going on at once. i want to sleep and eat ice cream and read tolkien and sleep.

hold everything

new number one prayer request: my friend mirabelle (GOD will know who you're talking about) had a nervous breakdown about a month ago. she called me today and talked for almost two hours not making any sense, talking about being manic, no one believing her about anything, screaming on the inside, people never coming back from what she's been through, and honestly i don't even know what else because it was not at all rational. it's kind of scary. i called her brother, and he filled me in a bit, but he said this was all unsettling because they thought she was getting better. (thankfully her best friend is there right now, so she heard how mirabelle sounded.) i asked if i should go to chicago to visit her, and he said that various family members have been there most of this time, and that i shouldn't feel like i have to go, but that if i want to i should feel free to go whenever. she indicated that she wanted me to, so i think i will sometime soon, i just have to call her husband to figure out what works for them.
one thing she did keep saying, though, was that she knows she can get through this because GOD has dealt her a good hand, and that she knows there's a GOD because collective intelligence proves it. (she's not a Christian.) she said that one way she's been getting through this is by thinking of all the people she loves, and she keeps thinking about me and all the conversations we've had about GOD over the years; that she knows that i've been praying for her and that's what's going to get her through. she said that she's seen me get through stuff that only saints get through, and i did it because i'm a saint, i'm close to GOD. she also said that she believes that if she documents what she's going through (she was a journalist before becoming a stay-at-home mom), it can help people, and that's her purpose; and thus it's my purpose, too, because i'm helping her through it. "that's part of why i wanted to call you - to tell you you have a purpose!"
please, please lift my mirabelle up in your prayers (and her husband and 3-year-old daughter, and her mother, whom she's very concerned about).
and me, too.

and...i'm a hussy

today i saw good-looking maintenance guy walk in the front door, but i was far away. seeing as he came in the front door, i knew he was most likely not going to come to the back of the building and say hi. i saw him head to the stairwell, so i figured i had a few minutes before he headed back out the door. so what did i do? i waited a few minutes, then headed to the front desk to tell my mom about the message from mr. hc. and so i was at the front desk when good-looking maintenance guy left, so i got to say hi, and, even more importantly, got to have him say hi to me.

why yes i did go tell my mom about one guy as an excuse to see another.

and...guy update

"Well, we could do the standard coffee if you are into that sort of thing. I also have some sticks in my backyard that I could fashion into a campfire although my house is a sad story to look at in its current state. I have on my to do list to build a chicken coop so that is an option. We could always do some arts and crafts too. Rummage saling if there are any, or a trip to a thrift store are good options."

really? build a chicken coop? this came last night as i was in the throes of being upset about the job situation. chicken coops and rummage saling were the last things i wanted to hear. also campfire. i hate campfires. i know i'm probably the only one, but i do. smoke gets in my eyes (and the wind follows me if i move), the nights are always too cold (so either my butt or my face freezes), and while a fire smells nice, afterwards one's clothes and hair stink. i went to bed afraid that he would think i was boring for just wanting to do coffee, but knowing there was no way i was doing anything else.
it helped to sleep it off. not knowing how much of this was him kidding, i just decided to forget the rest. maybe someday i can give in and try the other things, but for right now, i don't know if this will go past coffee, so there's no sense worrying about it.

k, job update

so, after hr being very discouraging, and then hearing from my mom that hr said it's part-time, i got discouraged. after awhile it dawned on me that that might just mean that i wasn't trusting GOD. i still felt like there was probably no chance of me getting it, but i told myself that i needed to trust GOD even if the answer is no.
but now i just got a call from the director of nursing asking me to come in for an interview tomorrow. :) if it's full-time that's great, but even if it's part-time, it might work. if i could work in medical records part-time and the kitchen part-time and be considered full-time, it would hopefully help with my sanity level, as well as help to pad my resume. so 3:30 tomorrow i'll go in and see what's up. more prayers appreciated! thank you!

Dear Mr. Tolkien,

Thank you, sir, for the way you let your faith permeate your literary works. When I was feeling far away from GOD a few months ago and not feeling like reading the Bible or theological works by the likes of Murray or Tozer to get me back on track, where did I turn? To you. I knew that the spirituality in "The Lord of the Rings" would get me hungry for the World Beyond. It would help me to see that there is a Divine Hand orchestrating the events here on Earth, even if we may not see it. It would show me the hope in the midst of this long defeat. It would point me to the Truth without preaching.
And now here I am doing so much better. Not 100% (we never will be this side of Heaven anyway), but better. I've gone from reading LOTR to reading Mother Teresa to reading the Bible. You were an invaluable stepping stone, all because you chose to let your life and work reflect your faith. I'm thankful that you'll be on my bookshelf when I need you again here. And even more so, I look forward to meeting you There.
With much love,
Melilot Brandybuck

alex o'loughlin is seriously ridiculously good-looking

sorry - lots of long ones here

one way not to surprise me

with food. especially sweets, especially after 8pm. an example:
tonight my father came home at 9pm with shamrock shakes. and i am the ungrateful little brat for not wanting one. i had just had a piece of chocolate cheesecake. i wouldn't want a shake if i had eaten that at 2pm, because of all the fat calories, but when i had just finished the cheesecake and was then expected to choke down a shake, i wanted to throw up. but since it hurts my dad's feelings if you don't take a gift from him, i had to drink over half of the thing. so now i feel like i'm going to explode, plus i feel gross.
the other, used to be chronic, example:
my dad would come home from work, and at 5:00 tell me and my mom and brother to get into the car to go to ocb. okay, my brother and i snacked all afternoon. all the time. and so we were never hungry when we got there, and then my dad would get mad because here we're at an all-you-can-eat buffet, and neither of us ate much. (granted part of that is also that i don't like ocb food, and the fact that i get absolutely repulsed when looking at the size of many of the people who eat there so it's hard for me to choke down more than a small salad with no dressing. but still - i'd be able to eat more if i had a warning.)
if you want to ask me if i want to go out to eat or if i want ice cream or whatever, fine. that can be a pleasant surprise. but for heaven's sake, don't just surprise me with food!

so last night

a woman was trying to blow up a huge building/parking garage in order that she could take over the world and be supreme ruler person. i was in said building and knew of her plans, but she had her henchmen following me so that i couldn't tell anyone. finally i managed to dodge them and get into the gym (where most of the people were), and pull aside a few key people who i knew could help me. somehow we got the people to start leaving the gym and head for the garage, in the hopes that they could get out from there. the men i had found and i then snuck down a dingy, parking garage back stairway, hoping to sneak up on this woman (who looked like stockard channing) and her henchmen from behind. as we got to the bottom of the stairs and were about to go through the door, i looked back at one of the men, who it turned out was the bane of my elementary school existence, and said something along the lines of, 'when we open this door, that's it. we may succeed, or our lives may end. are you ready for this?' he nodded. 'oh yeah,' i added, 'i just want to tell you - i had a huge crush on you in 6th grade. let's go!' and i banged the door open, while he stood there looking at me thinking of the wasted years. then he joined me in the garage, as we saw how bad the battle was getting. the woman was killing amish people, for pete's sake. they couldn't get their buggies out of the garage.
eventually we got the battle out of the building and onto what appeared to be county fair grounds. the carnage stopped, and we were able to get a parley with her. i explained to her that being a ruler isn't all that it's cracked up to be. you have to go to state dinners, and go to meetings, and make public appearances, and do press conferences and all that. she was stunned. she hadn't thought of that. i was so smart. and so she decided she didn't want to be supreme ruler anymore. and so my gilbert and i bought her some licorice, and thus saved the world.

and now back to the other story

message of the day:
"Sorry for being so negligent on messaging you..." [I hadn't heard from him since Wed.] "...Is now an appropriate time to ascertain whether you want to me in the coming days to see if there is potential for us to be friends or maybe even nemeses?"
assuming he meant 'meet me,' i think i'll being saying yes.

prayer request

a few years ago the medical records position opened up where i work. a few people told me (and a few people told my mother) at the time that they thought i should apply for it. i went and looked at the job description, but it looked a little daunting, especially since the last woman had already left so there was really no one to train me.
now the current medical records woman (kathleen) will be leaving our facility to work at our sister facility in the 'burbs, but until they find someone for our place, she'll be working at our place two days a week. this leaves her extremely frazzled, and so my clever mother told me i should talk to the administrator (pam) about maybe helping out with filing or computer entry stuff one day a week or something. (my mother is very concerned [justifiably] that our place will be closing in the near future and thinks i need to have something more on my resume [with which i must agree].)
and so since pam was there today, i got brave and went and talked with her, highlighting the team playerness of helping kathleen and the possibility this would give one of the kitchen part-timers to pick up more hours, which he's always looking for, also mentioning the data entry and whatnot that i did as a research assistant in grad school. pam immediately jumped and said, 'would you like to apply for the job?' i told her that i had looked into it a little bit last time, but had been unsure about my ability to perform some of the requirements, especially since there had been no one to train me at the time. 'oh, kathleen will train you. we wouldn't leave you high and dry. i really think you have the skill set. in fact, i think you would be excellent in that position. talk to the hr person on monday and get an application. actually, you can just send a letter expressing your interest. we have your application on file from way back. get the updated job description from hr on monday, and write a letter of interest, and give a copy to her and to me. really, i think you'd be very good in that position.'
i'm kicking myself for not getting schooling after i looked into this job a few years ago. i've thought about it on and off ever since, actually figuring that when our place closed i would look into going back to school for medical records; a basically independent job, fewer people, better pay, no sundays. but while i don't have the schooling now, i do have the backing of the administrator (and those people who thought i'd be good at it last time). i also would have someone to train me (and i think kathleen would be good; i also think that if i had questions when i was on my own, she'd be fine with me calling her at the other place).
it's not at all what i expected when i walked into that office, but i really like the sound of it. and it really does seem to fit me better than the activities job did. (one nice thing is that in applying for the activities job i got practice in doing and interview, since i hadn't done that in forever and a half.) hopefully when it gets back to my boss (cuz this stuff travels amazingly quickly in such a small home), she won't be all offended that i keep trying to get out of her department. i don't think she will be, though, since when she started there 5 or 6 years ago, she knew that i was sending out resumes. (and she knows that i'm too smart for my job.)
right now i like the sound of this, but i don't want to get my hopes up again. that tends to never end well.
and that's the prayer request of the day.

latest update

mr. hc and i just exchanged our 4th fb messages. as he once again said some pointless stuff, with no indication that he plans to do more than that, i told him nothing other than i like ice cream (which was something he had told me about himself) and left it there. so that's that.

Book Review: "Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light: The Private Writings of the 'Saint of Calcutta,'" edited and with commentary by Brian Kolodiejchuk, M.C.

Excellent book. She was an amazing woman. People think of her as being someone close to GOD, but in reality there was a darkness in her spiritual life to the point where she didn't hear HIS Voice for over 50 years. She heard HIM call her to a life serving the poorest of the poor, and then she never heard from HIM again. She survived solely on faith (and GOD's grace). While at first she was devestated by this, she came to accept it as way to understand and thus reach those who had never heard from GOD. She also felt it was a way to feel what JESUS must have felt on the Cross, and to her that was very important, because she wanted to be like HIM in everything. What made Mother Teresa so amazing was not that she was any closer to GOD than anyone else, but that she had such a resolute faith, and that she lived it out with her whole heart.

thank you, olive garden

i found a hair in my salad last night. while that's gross, it meant that i got a free meal, my whole table got free desserts, and we got coupons for $5 off two meals if we go again. i like free.

the goodness of GOD

"We only think we believe, really. We are believers in a sense, and I trust that we believe sufficiently to be saved and justified before His grace. But we don't believe as intensely and as intimately as we should. If we did, we would believe that God is a cordial God, that He is gracious and that His intentions are kind and benevolent....it is impossible for God to be anything and not be completely, infinitely what He is....When I say that God is good, that God has a kind heart, I mean that He has a heart infinitely kind and that there is no boundary to it." - A.W. Tozer

and because i'm me, i'm now at the other end of the spectrum of the mr.hc thing going, 'i don't want to do this!'
isn't it fun being a girl?

women should never live together

case in point? me and my mother.

oh yes

and because i want to go about this the right way, please be praying for me about this guy situation. i don't want my imagination running away with me. this is just a couple fb messages after all.

i twisted my ankle when i was delivering brownies

and it still hurts.
that's all.

Movie Review: The Fighter

A good movie. One definitely worth watching, but I wouldn't buy it. (If for no other reason, I don't know how often I could listen to the language. This is starring Mark Wahlberg after all.) It was actually a little slow, which surprised me. Maybe part of that was due to the fact that the supposed main character wasn't nearly as compelling as the supporting character. Christian Bale's performance overshadowed the whole movie. There's a reason he won Best Supporting Actor. He deserved it.

i love tozer

"God is above all things, beneath all things, outside all things and inside all things. God is above, but He's not pushed up. He's beneath, but He's not pressed down. He's outside, but He's not excluded. He's inside, but He's not confined. God is above all things presiding, beneath all things sustaining, outside of all things embracing and inside of all things filling. That is the immanence of God." - A.W. Tozer

update

k, now i have a little more to go on. he'll be 30 in june, he's a captain in the army, and he volunteers as an advocate for victims of domestic abuse. he's never made it through 'the silmarillion,' but then, neither have i. he has, though, had 'an Orangeade in the pub where Tolkien, Lewis, and the other guy discussed their books as they were writing them.' can we say jealous?! he also has a sister and two nephews (4&5) who he was babysitting this evening so his sister and brother-in-law could go out for his brother-in-law's birthday.
my thoughts after reading all this? he sounds too good for me.

so here's a good one for you...

a couple weeks ago, uncle swedish chef told me that his friend had a friend who had a friend who's a nice Christian guy looking for a nice Christian girl, and that when she heard that she immediately thought of me. i found this both humorous since we've only met once (and in passing at that), and fishy seeing as she's my age and single. i asked him what was wrong with the guy and he said nothing, just that he's too conservative for johanna. i blew it off because my uncle doesn't even know him, and i don't even know johanna. but then a few days later my uncle sent me a message on fb telling me that the guy is on there and telling me to look him up. i blew it off because as if it would be anything other than me being a stalker of some guy i'll never meet.
but then yesterday johanna sent me a message asking me if i had contacted him, saying 'he may or may not be expecting it. :) ' i told my mother, who promptly came over to the computer and helped me stalk him. he looks nice enough, with pictures from a mission trip, a football game, and some national guardness (amongst other things), but i didn't want to contact him because i didn't know if he was actually interested or if it was more that this whole long chain of people was deciding for him. my mother agreed, but said that i shouldn't close any doors. i assured her i wouldn't and sent a message to johanna saying that i'm not the type to initiate, but that if he wanted to contact me he could. she messageed me back, simply saying, 'he's haaandsooomme!'
cut to ten minutes ago and i just found a message in my 'other messages' folder from yesterday (who the heck decides what gets into 'messages' and what gets into 'other messages'? and why doesn't it tell you when you have 'other messages' except when you go to your messages? stupid system.) yes, it was from my uncle's friend's friend's friend (or maybe i got it wrong - he said 'my friend's friend's coworker [johanna, who's] apparently your friend,' which isn't right either since i don't know really know her - haha). he sounded as clueless as i about how to go about this, especially since, as he said, i'm very well-hidden on the internet and thus not very stalkable. :)
anyway, so basically i have no idea where any of this is going, or if it'll ever go anywhere. now i just have to figure out what to say in reply. best not to overthink it, i know. and probably also best not to try to write anything at midnight thirty. so tomorrow it is.

and now for my most ambitious directorial effort to date

and it will probably remain so, as i have now learned how tedious it is. (if nothing else, it has taken me over a month to figure out how to post it. thus the date is completely random. i had to take advantage of this while i could.) but if i'm only going to do one of these, i'm glad this is the one i did.

and so, without further ado, i hereby present...this:

with credit to chelleybutton for the inspiring and oh so appropriate song choice

why must i say what society wants me to say?

the other day some friends and i went bowling. one of those friends has a 4-month-old-ish baby boy, who obviously had to get passed around in order for his mother to be able to bowl. he's a good baby, so i was happy to do my part and squeeze him some. at one point, as i was holding him, jeanie said, 'and you don't want kids? you'd be such a good mom.' i again stated that i like to be able to send them home. and then i got to thinking that maybe part of my problem with kids is that i'm such an introvert that the thought of someone being there all the time, especially someone who needs me, is just an overwhelming, stressful thought. cheap cousin's wife has said that she has noticed that she's becoming more introverted the older she gets and that she has to get alone time or she starts to notice herself slipping into a depression (which she has struggled with in the past), and that sometimes that's hard when she has two little boys (even though they are good and dear little boys). that makes sense to me as an introvert who has struggled with depression.
so today i said something about this to my mother, saying that i should maybe once in awhile volunteer to take those little boys to give their mother a break. she said that was a nice idea, then immediately berated me for telling people that i don't want children: 'you might be scaring the boys off.' first of all, i've never said this in front of boys. 'but it could get back to them.' why on earth would jeanie say anything to a boy about it? 'well, you never know.' okay, so what if it does? if it's a deal-breaker for them, it's a deal-breaker, and then we've nipped that in the butt before it got too serious. 'you still shouldn't tell people that.' sometimes it comes up in conversation when girls are sitting around; it just does. and what, am i supposed to lie and say i look forward to my own someday? 'don't say anything.' why should i be ashamed to not want kids? oh my gosh! why must i kowtow to convention! God forbid a woman who doesn't want kids! what a horrible, unfeeling wretch i am! and worse! a woman who will admit it!
welcome to the 21st century mother.

i was so excited that my internet is finally working cuz then i could do all the things i've been wanting to for the last week. but now what they are i don't know. (though i did get a new post done here: http://spoilingpoint.blogspot.com/)

i don't like that someone ran into my car in the parking lot at work and it now has a ding by the license plate :(

i like that chick magnet still sends me birthday greetings :)

i don't want to work this weekend.

but thank you, LORD, that i have a job.

oh, the irony

for some reason i actually looked at the best seller list this week. there were a couple books that looked like they could be good. one of which was "Quiet," by Susan Cain: "Introverts - one-third of the population -  are undervalued in U.S. society."
guess which book the library doesn't have.