Not the Gospel

I put my Van Gogh book down for a minute as I was upset with his parents, a pastor and his wife.  After they said he couldn't be an evangelist because he didn't have the capacity for it, he decided to be a missionary. When he chose to be a missionary, they lamented that he would be far away and a drain on his family financially. When he decided instead to be a pastor, they hesitantly told him that if he could dedicate the 8 years to school, they'd help him on his way, but privately they didn't feel he could make that commitment. When he was drained after less than a year of studying and decided instead that he could share the Gospel working alongside common laborers and teaching Sunday school, they lamented that he would do such a thing, as there was no money in it. After all they had invested in him financially, he was deciding to witness to people in a way in which he couldn't make a living.
I put the book down thinking, "How horrible that a pastor and his wife couldn't see the value in sharing the Gospel. What would Vincent's life have been like if they would've supported him? And even if he didn't continue in Bible teaching, how terrible that this pastor and his wife were anti-sharing the Gospel without financial reward."
I came downstairs and heard my mom on the phone with my aunt. These were my mom's words to her as I walked into the room:
"I've said, 'we don't want to lose our humanitarian spirit,' but we lose it as soon as it doesn't make sense financially. I've kept mine, but as a whole we've lost it."
I'm not sure what His exact words would be, but I keep thinking this would be a time when Jesus would say our name twice - always a sign of extreme love and admonishment. "Christians, Christians, how have you let it come to this? How are you so far from your name? From My Name? Return to the heart of My Gospel and share Me with the world."

Woe-courage

"Let us not forget the text 'sorrowful but always rejoicing', 'unknown and yet well known', and write the word weemoed as two words, wee and moed and faith in God, who in His time can cause the loneliness which we sometimes feel even in the midst of a crowd, to fall from us." - Victor Van Gogh


*weemoed = melancholy
*wee = woe
*moed = courage

Woe-courage. That should be a word.

Van Gogh

Last week I watched the fifth season of "Doctor Who." New Doctor, new companion, new executive producer (ugh - Steven Moffat), I wasn't expecting much, but enjoyed it pretty much like I thought I would. Except for one episode. There was one episode that jumped out at me that will easily rank somewhere high in a list of favorite episodes: "Vincent and the Doctor."
The Doctor and his companion went back in time and met Vincent Van Gogh. It broke my heart. The poor, poor man.The struggles of his mental illness and the fact that he was so alone in all of it. When the Doctor and his companion got back to the present day, she was hoping so badly that they had changed history and Van Gogh had not killed himself. But some things cannot be changed. Van Gogh had to fight his own demons. And in the end, he did not win.
My eyes were watering. Mental illness is devastating. 
The next opportunity I got, I went to the library and got a big biography and a copy of his letters. And they, too, break my heart. So alone. No one understanding him, people ostracizing him, not getting the help or even love that he so obviously needed. He needed someone to take his face in their hands, look him in the eye, and tell him that he had value. I want to be able to do that for him.
I can't. Obviously. But it got me thinking again about all the times that I've said that people who struggle with mental illness or addiction (or so often both) are where my heart lies, how that, somehow, might be my ministry. And I've been convicted. I've said this for years, and done nothing. I always say I don't know how to find somewhere to volunteer or how I can help, and I use that as an excuse. I can't keep doing that. Like Jimmy Stewart says in "Shenandoah," "...I [have] to try. And if we don't try, we don't do. And if we don't do, then why are we here on this earth."
Somehow I have to keep this conviction. Somehow I have to get active in serving these people. Van Gogh had no one. It's true of so many people. I cannot let that be on my head. 
Please hold me accountable. And don't accept excuses. I'm really good and 'buts' and I know I exasperate all of you with them. Don't back down.
I am so thankful I got the 950 page biography. That gives me a lot of time to have this sink in. And it needs to get sunk.

Fan to Zachary Levi:
You keep leading me back to Jesus; thanks for that.

Zac: 
He keeps doing that. I’m just lucky enough to be the conduit on occasion.

Earls of Orkney - from 870-1103

Rognvald of More
Sigurd the Mighty
Guttorm
Hallad
Torf-Einar
Arnkell
Erlend
Thorfinn Skullsplitter
Arnfinn Thorfinnsson
Havard Thorfinnsson
Ljot Thorfinnsson
Hlodver Thorfinnson
Sigurd the Stout
Sumarlidi
Einar Falsemouth
Brusi
Thorfinn the Mighty
Rognvald
Paul
Erlend
Sigurd