So the other night...

I was about to buy a house. It wasn't a log cabin, but it was a rustic home with woods toward the back (you approached it from a road toward the back), but then fairly open with a neighbor to the left, land with some trees to the right, and a steep hill in front, leading down to a small river (too big to be a stream), with enough of a bank that there was a picnic table there. I signed a paper, but then heard the neighbor start his lawn mower, and thought, 'Oh my gosh, what have I just done?! There is so much land! And I can't just leave it to grow wild, it will have to be mowed! I can't do this!!!' And started to completely freak out.

After a bit I realized that since the paper hadn't been signed in front of a lawyer or a notary, I could technically still get out of the purchase. However, I felt bad going back on my word and was scared that they might sue. But I knew I had to at least ask, because not only was land a serious problem, the house really didn't get much natural sunlight, which would be a big problem for me. I finally did end up asking if they would shred or burn the paper. They were not happy. But they knew that technically the paper wasn't official. But they also knew that maybe there was a chance they could use it in a lawsuit. And so I was still freaking out.

But then, out of nowhere, came the 12th Doctor to buy it, 1) to save me from this situation, and 2) to turn it into an airb&b. As I would no longer have to be in charge of it or live in it for long, I decided to stay on for awhile to help him with the fixing up what needed to be done in order to turn it into one. (Figuring of course that we'd eventually get together.)

We worked on it for awhile and then I woke up. And thought, oh my gosh me and 12. We would be the worst airb&b hosts ever.  

  

More counselingness

Third time we meet:

"sounds like we need to get you out of your rigidity"   

 

Also, "It sounds like your brain has just decided things and you go with it." [With things like "Have you ever looked into what you'd need to do to live in Europe? You just assume it's not possible, so you haven't even googled?" "Have you asked your neurologist if there are anxiety meds that would work with your epilepsy meds? No? You just assume there aren't any?" "So of ALL the women in the world, you've just decided that you couldn't live with any of them?" and so on]

Counseling

I've now had two counseling sessions, and they've been good. Obviously we haven't really started working on me yet, it's just get-to-know-me stuff, but I feel like she's a good fit, easy to talk to and meeting me where I'm at. So we'll see how this goes.

I had to laugh, though, at one thing she said. Justine has been unofficially counseling me when we've been alone at work together the last couple times, asking me all sorts of questions in very counselor-y ways, 'So why do you think this is?' 'How do you feel about...?' After the first or second time of her doing this, she said, 'You use the word 'fit' a lot. That you don't fit.' And now my counselor, as we wrapped up the second session, said, 'It seems like you've never quite felt like you fit.' I didn't realize I had been saying that to her or that I had said things that would imply it, other than that I feel more comfortable in Europe. Apparently that's one issue that's just obvious.