On being a Christian woman
I feel like a horse that has never fit into her stable stall. It's painted pink and has flowers and all the other mares love their matching ones, but all I can feel about it is the splinters that rub into my hindquarters as I try to get comfortable in something so narrow. It's great if the other mares like theirs. But I don't fit and they don't understand why I'm not comfortable, and so they ask if I want to join them to paint our stalls more pink. No! I don't! I want out of this ruddy stall! Why are the mares' stalls so narrow?
I've
heard a few other mares over the years talking about kicking their
stall doors down, but I've always thought that was kind of dangerous and
next thing you know, they may run completely off the farm. But lately
I've noticed that that doesn't always happen. Usually they just end up
enjoying the pasture with other mares and stallions that have kicked
their doors down. Also I've realized that the Farmer would never make
stalls for us that we don't fit in. And you know what? I really don't
think He'd paint them pink. The flowers in the field are so beautiful,
why would He bother making the stalls pink? Sure, some flowers have been
brought into the stalls, but plucked flowers wither. There is far more
beauty outside of the stalls.
And so I've started kicking a little. This damn stall door's gots to go.
posted by melilotnfosco | 2:36 PM
5 Comments:
I'm still amazed and saddened about this view of typical Christian women or what they are "supposed" to be like. But I think it's because we come from different backgrounds, have different mindsets and entirely different personalities. I didn't grow up as a believer nor within a Christian community, so I wasn't exposed to this restricted view of Biblical womanhood. When I did start attending churches, as a traveler I was able to choose which ones I wanted to attend, and I have always sought multicultural, liberal-leaning congregations. Of course those tend to be much more open-minded/less-stereotypical about many issues, including about femininity, gender roles, and females in leadership. On top of that, I ... have barely ever read any Christian books... so I don't come across any views about Christian womanhood basically ever. I only know what you're talking about because of our history of chat about it and because I've walked through Christian stores and seen exactly those "for women" titles and designs (::shudder::). Those stereotypes (e.g., pink floral) are tied up with broader common cultural views of/for women. I don't fit a single one of those expectations, and fall somewhere between not caring that I don't and being proud of it. I like your analogy in this post because it helps me get a better sense of where you're coming from. I'm so glad that you're starting to kick that stupid door down (which was never locked by the way). I think where I fit in that analogy is being outside the barn to start with, noticing you struggling in it from afar. I knew you didn't like the way it sounds like Christian women are meant to be, but I didn't know you had any interest in leaving the barn. Be free. Stop caring. Like on the Matrix when Neo is told "there is no spoon", I want to say to you and anyone struggling with fitting in with any kind of mold, "there is no barn"
I think the last couple years have really shown me how wrong some of these views are. I'm more conservative than you and generally don't have a problem with the ideas of femininity and masculinity, but I do feel that both can be toxic and/or can pigeon-hole people and/or can be used to harm others. And I'm over it.
Oh Kari - that was perfect!
Linda - I so appreciate hearing your perspective. It gives me hope that Katie and Aiden (my kids) will grow up without such narrow limits.
But that stall door - it's absolutely locked - at least for some. Not by God, but by people, and the cost to leaving it can be very steep.
That said - kick that damn door down!!
I hope and pray that for you Kari, this new pastureland is warm and inviting and that those still milling about in their stalls will find ways to remain in community with you and to see that you just need a bit more wild room to roam.
Thank you. Right now community is hard, as I hadn't gone to church for about 5 years before the pandemic, and then, well, the pandemic. Though now that I don't feel like I have to be stuck with conservative evangelicals, maybe I can find a church that wears masks. 😄
Probably!! Not that "mainline" churches (because I'm assuming here) are perfect, but yes, masks, social concerns, and HELLO! quieter music!
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