Ah-ha moment
I'm currently reading the book, "Worthy: Celebrating the Value of Women," by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Eric Schumacher. It's refreshing. Rather than being a book on how to be a good Christian woman, it's a book emphasizing the intrinsic worth of women based on the fact that we're God's creation. We make mistakes, we sin, we err, and we praise and honor and are used by God. It talks about our equality with men, the work God has tasked us with from the beginning, and wrong views of women that have crept into and been perpetuated by the church. I was thoroughly enjoying (if that's the right word) this book.
And then it got to one line. One line that always makes me cringe. The line that makes me refer to Mother's Day as "Failure As a Christian Woman Day." It was talking about Eve and her offspring.
"The word offspring (sometimes translated "seed") is a word that can be either singular or plural - and sometimes both. It is ultimately Jesus. But united with him in faith, believers in Jesus become the "offspring" of the woman....Likewise, in a broader sense, "the woman" does not refer only to Eve. It refers to her in the immediate context. It also refers to all women who bear or nurture children of faith as history unfolds." [emphasis mine]
No, no, no! Good book, please don't do this to me! Why?! Why did you have to go here? Why, if I'm being told that I have value simply by being God's creation, are you now throwing in bits about being someone who bears or nurtures children?
I don't have children. I don't want children. I am not invested in the lives of other people's children. Yes, I had my nieces, but other than praying for them, it's not like I majorly invested in their spiritual growth. I did teach Sunday school for one of them, but that was because they needed someone. I don't think I even believed in God at that point. And I sure don't ever want to teach Sunday school again. Why?! Why must it always come back to children? I was so disappointed and discouraged and hurt.
But then suddenly it hit me. "Children of faith." That doesn't mean children. I have always thought, probably because of the unfortunate emphasis churches (and my own family) put on families (yes, I'm going to call it unfortunate), that what people mean when they say things like that is that women who don't have children of their own can still make an impact on the children around them. My nieces are grown. So now what? I guess I'm a failure.
But no! "Children of faith!" All Believers are children of faith. I don't have to nurture actual children, nor feel "less than" for not doing so. I don't have to feel guilty for not wanting to mentor young people. When I encourage, admonish, support, challenge, share my learning with, listen to, pray for my friends, I am nurturing children of faith. Any of these things I do for ANY Believer is nurturing children of faith. Dear God! Thank you for this revelation! I didn't realize I needed it as badly as I did. I've always known that there were ways to serve God other than teaching Sunday school, but part of why I've always felt like an outsider at churches is because kids just aren't where my heart is at and it feels like that's where it's expected to be. Women are supposed to be nurturing. That's kind of our thing. And I don't like dealing with kids, so there's a huge strike against me, who already feels like she doesn't fit because she doesn't give a fig about Norwex or "Live Laugh Love"-ing. But I AM nurturing. Not just compassionate toward old people, which is a good thing, but usually feels like church people just think it's nice of me. Not just someone with a heart for people with addictions or mental health issues, which again, often feels like church people think is nice of me. I am nurturing. I can nurture children of faith just like any mother, aunt, or Sunday school teacher can. Dear Lord, I needed that.
posted by melilotnfosco | 12:07 AM
10 Comments:
Okay, but I still hate Mother's Day.
I came back to this post to check if you'd responded to my comment on it only to see that I never actually commented >_< lol sorry! Celebrating your revelations of course, but I had to say that as I read your post the first time around, I read this line, "It also refers to all women who bear or nurture children of faith as history unfolds" as the author probably intended and as you eventually wrote that you realised. I mean, I read it the first time as "children of faith" referring to believers young and old. I thought I'd always heard that phrase "children of faith" referring to all of us that way. But I bet it's because of the way you introduced the topic before sharing the quote, that it made sense to me that way. And because I don't have a strong bias, history, or connection to any issues about women and nurturing/childbearing/whatever, so I wasn't internally primed to make that assumption of the author's intention.
Your experience and what you've absorbed about what Christian women are 'supposed' to be sounds awful and restricting. I just didn't grow up ever thinking women are "supposed" to be one thing or another, even though my mom is very traditional and stereotypical in that sense. I'd just always rebelled against her putting me in dresses and telling me I'm not supposed to climb trees. I think because I was already prone to be anti-conservative, I've ended up with a like-minded cohort. Most of my friends and colleagues are not Christian, maybe half or more are single, and plenty are nonbinary, gender- and sexually fluid. That said, I don't think any of them hate Mother's Day because they don't see it as a 'failure as a woman day' - that belief must have come from your years of being made to feel that way from the conservative community. I see them posting about celebrating their own mothers/grandmothers, rather than feeling like they are meant to have been mothers, or that their worth is tied up in motherhood.
I do plan on replying. I've just been too tired to focus the few times I've been on not-my-work-computer lately. I will respond, though.
Yeah, I'm sure my feelings toward Mother's Day have to do with my upbringing.
I have plenty to be thankful for in the way I was raised. My family's emphasis on family gives me a great support system. In my church I was given a good Bible basis, learning Bible stories and Bible verses. But I also think that both my church and my family gave me a restricted view of what a woman can be. And it's probably all the harder because I've always been a girlie girl, so I haven't wanted to rebel against stereotypes. I always liked playing with dolls and wearing frilly things, and always hated getting dirty and being active. But the roles I've seen just don't fit me. This is why I so love Wonder Woman. She's feminine but kicks ass. Or rather, feminine AND kicks ass.
And yes, I've always known 'children of God' means all of us, but I think because of perceived expectations, it's been hard for me to think of other ways women can serve and nurture, and to think of them as valid or 'enough.' These books have been good for me.
First - I get what you're saying that it's awkward to say that you're "enjoying" a book like this. I always cringe when someone says that they "like" this or that theology. Not the point people!
So yes, similar background and I would also have read her comments on "children of faith" the same way you did, but also completely agree with your re-examination of that point and subsequent understanding. While I don't believe all women should be nurturing (I need to, because I'm not in any generally realized way) I totally think you are, you just like the more wrinkly children of God. I have certainly appreciated your nurturing heart.
I wonder sometimes if God doesn't look at the church and what we do to each other, the boxes we force each other to fit into, and wonder how long it will take before we realize that God creates us to be who we are, that God loves a diverse population - diverse in all sorts of ways, including personalities.
I make a TERRIBLE "Christian woman". I make a quirky and beloved child of God.
I'm so glad you reevaluated what she wrote and shared it with us. <3 Preach on Sister!
"God loves a diverse population - diverse in all sorts of ways, including personalities." - something that very much gets overlooked, or worse, squashed in so many churches. I like your next line, too. I am a terrible "Christian woman." And that doesn't matter in the slightest. I am a beloved child of God as me.
Yes!!! It's that control thing. If you need to be x - y - z to be seen as a decent Christian, it's just about controlling the spaces that you get to be in. But the freedom that we have in Christ is because God loves us. And God's room, and God's table - it's wide open!
Helping my friend through her divorce from her abusive "Christian" husband these last couple years has taught me a lot about what hogwash we've been fed. A lot of good, too, yes, but a lot of detrimental hogwash.
That's a really hard and complicated thing to sort though - and not a one and done sort of things either, but a seemingly endless process (or at least it has seemed like that for me, but I've got a bunch of family junk mixed up in there too.)
You, my friend, are courageous and worthy of the task before you. Go on, woman of valour!
(If you haven't read Rachael Held Evans yet, I found her work to be particularly of help in this journey - I'd start with the early blogs and books.)
Thank you. :)
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