the sermon today
the sermon today was on when GOD says 'no.'
and i'm very much feeling that the reason i needed to tell GOD what i want when i was on my prayer retreat was to get past it, to clear the air. unless and until GOD shows me otherwise, i'm thinking that being single is to be my state. what i want? no. but i get the feeling that this husband prayer's answer is a 'no.' and as HE knows best, and i'm tired of frustration and tears, i think the sooner i accept this the better.
and so that's that.
and i'm very much feeling that the reason i needed to tell GOD what i want when i was on my prayer retreat was to get past it, to clear the air. unless and until GOD shows me otherwise, i'm thinking that being single is to be my state. what i want? no. but i get the feeling that this husband prayer's answer is a 'no.' and as HE knows best, and i'm tired of frustration and tears, i think the sooner i accept this the better.
and so that's that.
posted by melilotnfosco | 8:42 PM
8 Comments:
I'm hearing "no" from Him right now too. It hurts and is confusing, and I'm trying to figure it out, but then I don't think it's my place? It's all so confusing, and I go back and forth a lot. I suppose my focus needs to be on Him. ("Seek ye first...") He and only He can satisfy all my desires. If only I'd really believe that with all my heart and soul and mind and body.
Hi,
I know I have nothing really helpful to say in this (other than that I am praying for you both) but maybe what a friend of mine said would be helpful. She came to realize the same "no" a few years ago. She said that making a plan to take specific trips and missional work, plus deciding to work towards her dream job (even though it meant years of more schooling!) helped to soften the blow. She could focus on what she was gaining.
The nice thing is, it forces me to keep going to cry to God. Today I was showing off a necklace a friend got me. The first question was, "WHO got it for you?" and the obvious hint was, "Was it a guy?" Every time it is a reminder and gets me down when I wasn't. :/ Every time my first inclination is to go negative and specifically negative toward myself. Then someone else asked me about that guy I had mentioned before. :/ Why do I mention them? Sigh. It's because they ask, and I want to have something to respond with, something to appease them. But then it turns out badly and I just feel it that much worse every time I have to say it. :/ I went for a walk after work and prayed about it, and felt better. That peace comes and goes. But I have to do that continuously, because like I said, my initial gut reaction is always a negative one. :/
I know it's different for everyone, but sometimes the suggestions to do something different, go somewhere, move somewhere, etc., discourage me too. They feel like pressure, and it causes me anxiety, because I don't know what that thing is that I'm supposed to do, or that place I'm supposed to go. But I have to remind myself there too, that we're not all the same. And that I don't have to stress out about this. God will guide me. Just because someone else thinks the answer is to go somewhere, get up and move and go somewhere fun because you're young and not tied down, does not mean that's what God wants ME to do. I can trust Him to show me. The main goal is to focus on Him and keep doing it. Time with Him gives me peace like no advice from any human can. (But I'm not saying advice is never helpful or needed; I'm only saying that I find peace from time with Him.)
I'm sorry for my rambling and sensitivity. Today was not a good day in this area because of what some coworkers said. :/ They mean well, I am sure. It just gets weary. I get weary. I told God that. I remember what Triple said once, that no love affair can be better than our love affair with God, so we should focus first on loving Him. (You probably don't like that imagery, Mel, but I think it's kind of true! And part of what gives me peace, I think, is when I consider how much He loves me and also how beautiful and perfect He is. So that's a bit like a love affair, isn't it?)
Thank you so much for your prayers, Kimberly! I'm humbled sometimes when I think about just how many people are praying for me. Seems like it's a definite 'no' then! Because clearly prayers are not lacking. I'm very blessed.
Ack! Don't feel pressure! I mean it! Really don't feel pressure!!!! NONE!!! I'm pressuring you to not feel pressure and being really obvious in case this comes off wrong!!!!!!!! :D
But yes, please don't feel pressure. If you don't want to travel, that's totally fine. You don't have to get up and go if that's not for you. For my friend, she was in a more "family friendly" career and hadn't wanted to take on the stress of school/crazy career (she's going to be a doctor) in case a guy showed up.
I just meant that you could focus on your next trip to Mel or that you get uninterrupted time to sit down and read. That you only have to wash your own clothes! Whatever else is fun and liberating. All the things you get to do because you don't have whiny kids following you around (well, when you're not at school that is! :) )
chelley - beautifully and honestly said.
and as for me not liking the 'love affair' imagery, i did once try to read through the Gospels telling myself that this is my Husband they're talking about. it was an interesting way to look at it (though of course it fizzled out, as all my Bible reading always does).
and kimberly - i really like the part you said to chelley about planning her next trip to me. :)
Haha, sorry, Kimberly. :) Thank you for telling me there's no pressure. :) Of course, some pressure is good. I find that I haven't found that balance yet. ;)
And Mel, I hope I wasn't offensive in saying that -- it comes from what you told me when you visited for my birthday; that's why I thought you might not like that comparison so much.
oh, you weren't remotely offensive. i was thinking that was what you were thinking and i was thinking that you were being sensitive as to what i might be thinking and so i appreciated that. :)
why is life so complicated?
I took what Kimberly said not as as a call to missions or travel but a call to be more proactive toward what you want. Like if you wanted to find a significant other, you'd have to increase your chances of meeting him by going out to more social events, meetings, clubs, volunteer work, etc. because the more people you meet the higher the statistical potential of finding Mr. Right. But both Mel and Chelley seem to have been going out and doing more things out of comfort zone anyway, which is awesome and not at all the kind of "sit back and let God" attitude that is not the two-way-street that God intended.
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