more from "Sober Mercies"
[One day she went to help clean at the place where she attended meetings.]
While [I] worked quietly, I listened to the easy banter and occasional laughter of the women around me. A small lump of longing formed in my throat. Would I ever feel like I could join in? Would I ever get a chance to prove that I had a great sense of humor, too?
I knew these people welcomed me, but I still didn't feel part of the group.
Which was my own fault...I couldn't bear the anxiety of hanging around to mingle and chat. What if no one spoke to me? What if I was left standing there, looking stupid?
It didn't occur to me yet that I might not be the only person who felt shy, or that I was just as capable of starting a conversation as anyone else. As had been my habit all of my life, I hung back and waited to be pursued by someone who was more willing to take risks that I was...
On the drive home, my windshield wipers squeaking, I noticed that my hands smelled like disinfectant, and that I had managed to work up a light sweat. But as I neared my house, all I could think of was how I wished there were more chairs to clean.
While [I] worked quietly, I listened to the easy banter and occasional laughter of the women around me. A small lump of longing formed in my throat. Would I ever feel like I could join in? Would I ever get a chance to prove that I had a great sense of humor, too?
I knew these people welcomed me, but I still didn't feel part of the group.
Which was my own fault...I couldn't bear the anxiety of hanging around to mingle and chat. What if no one spoke to me? What if I was left standing there, looking stupid?
It didn't occur to me yet that I might not be the only person who felt shy, or that I was just as capable of starting a conversation as anyone else. As had been my habit all of my life, I hung back and waited to be pursued by someone who was more willing to take risks that I was...
On the drive home, my windshield wipers squeaking, I noticed that my hands smelled like disinfectant, and that I had managed to work up a light sweat. But as I neared my house, all I could think of was how I wished there were more chairs to clean.
posted by melilotnfosco | 3:37 PM
5 Comments:
i've been to one of the churches involved in my 12-step twice now to clean. each time i've wished it would take longer, and even more that i'd be able to clean alongside someone for the fellowship. unfortunately they clean on wednesdays during the day, so i usually can't go, but i do have a couple wednesdays off this summer. maybe i'll be able to go again a time or two.
That part about cleaning -- that was also in the book?? So many coincidences??
yes, this is all from the book. see why i've found my calling?
powerful words.
:)
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