my class today (sorry, it's long)

today was the last day. the instructor, elna, from the first day was there again, wrapping it up (we had had different instructors every other day). i had to smile when a couple times i caught her trying to de-Christianize her speech. i said something about how for me it was great that i lost my job, because it had put me in such a bad spot, and she said, 'sometimes losing a job is a...' then quietly, 'there goes my faith background coming out again.' so i helped her out and said, 'it was a blessing.' then at the end of class she was wishing us all well and she said, 'i don't believe in l...well, good luck to all of you in your job search.' she then left, and someone came and gave us paperwork to fill out.
during class we had answered some questions, the first of which was something like, 'what do you do to deal with people's negativity when they say things like 'you can't'?' my response was, 'that's not the problem for me. the bigger problem is my own negativity. i'll tell myself i can't. or when people tell me, 'you should try...' i respond with, 'yeah, but...'' the next question asked us what job we were looking for, and what our two back-ups would be. the last question was, 'what are you looking for in a job?' i said, 'i like medical records, but really anything like administrative assistant, something like that would be fine. like i said at my last job, i'd prefer to work with paper not people. when i got the job in medical records i was excited because i could be in an office with files, but then with new ownership he made me be receptionist, and that was so hard for me. [then, wondering why i was still talking, and why i was so comfortable doing so] it really led almost to depression. i was close there. it's so good to be out of there. anyway, so something that would be behind the scenes is one big thing i'm looking for.'
on my way out the door elna stopped me. 'i have something i wa...here, let's step out here for a minute.' and so we stepped into the foyer.
'what church do you go to?'
'[a baptist one nearby]'
'oh, ok. well, my church has this program on wednesday nights that i thought you might like to try going to. it's called ___ and it's for people who are struggling with addictions, but it's not just that. it's also for people who are struggling with thoughts that are bringing them down, depression, the kinds of things you were talking about, anything. as you were talking, i was seeing you sitting in that group. because those are the things that get to us for the most part, it's not that outside stuff. would you like the information?'
now, call me racist if you want, but elna is black, so without the slightest hesitation i said yes. there's something about black Christian women that makes me trust them completely, trust their judgement, feel completely at ease but also somewhat awed. they always appear to me to be on a different spiritual plane. so if a black Christian woman is telling me that she was seeing me sitting in a group at her church, you better believe i'm going to go sit in that group at her church. if she were white would i? i don't know. if she were white would our relationship be like this?
so anyway...
i came home and looked up her church and the program, and the program looks a little 12-step-y, but it does say it is "not geared solely for substance abusers, but...attitudes contrary to God’s will for our lives. It deals with Attitudinal and Behavioral Problems as well. It will also provide you with “Accountability,” and Discipleship." not quite sure what all that means, but i have to go back to the unemployment place on monday, so hopefully elna will be there and available so i can ask her more about it, if there would be people like me there or if it's 98% people giving up alcohol or crack. i'll see what she says then, but for right now, i'm fully intending on going. she did say she'd love to see me there.