i don't know why i can't learn this
to me, when my mother asks me to do something, and i say, 'yes, i'll do it,' i mean, 'yes, i'll do it.' (especially when she leaves the cleaning product sitting out, so i can't forget.) to my mother, when she asks me to do something and i don't do it within an hour or two (even if it doesn't need to be done til the next day, and there's plenty of this day left), it means i'm not going to do it, because i'm a lazy little...
and so, when i got out of the tub, i discovered she had cleaned the one thing i was supposed to clean, and had gone to bed. my thought is, 'seriously, you know i'll be up for another hour or two and the cleaning product is in front of the computer. even if i did forget until this point, which i didn't, i couldn't miss it.' but i know her thought is, 'that little....i ask her to do ONE THING!!!' complete with a whole bunch of scary muttering. i'm not mad at her for thinking that. it's more that i'm disappointed that she's again disappointed in me, when she really shouldn't have to be. and i can't apologize, because if i do, it means that i'm bringing it up, which means she'll get mad all over again, when i honestly do feel bad and i honestly did have good intentions. i would've done it before i went to bed. i'm just not good at doing things not under the buzzer.
i don't know why i can't just learn to do things when she mentions them. well, i do know why. it's because i'm inconsiderate. if it means that much to her, i need to just suck it up and do it right away. stop being so dang self-centered, melilot.
and so, when i got out of the tub, i discovered she had cleaned the one thing i was supposed to clean, and had gone to bed. my thought is, 'seriously, you know i'll be up for another hour or two and the cleaning product is in front of the computer. even if i did forget until this point, which i didn't, i couldn't miss it.' but i know her thought is, 'that little....i ask her to do ONE THING!!!' complete with a whole bunch of scary muttering. i'm not mad at her for thinking that. it's more that i'm disappointed that she's again disappointed in me, when she really shouldn't have to be. and i can't apologize, because if i do, it means that i'm bringing it up, which means she'll get mad all over again, when i honestly do feel bad and i honestly did have good intentions. i would've done it before i went to bed. i'm just not good at doing things not under the buzzer.
i don't know why i can't just learn to do things when she mentions them. well, i do know why. it's because i'm inconsiderate. if it means that much to her, i need to just suck it up and do it right away. stop being so dang self-centered, melilot.
posted by melilotnfosco | 10:37 PM
13 Comments:
Well, that's a better attitude than I'd have. I'd probably argue with her about it, say that she knows I'm a procrastinator but that I'll do it! Women. So passive-aggressive, aren't we?
Triple once told me she read some article about pairings and said the worst combo was only a mom and son living together (this was when I was in college and so it was just my brother and my mom at home). So I suppose you two aren't as bad as it could be?
But yeah, I get along much better with my mom now that I've moved out.
a mom and son being the worst? i can see her smothering him or nagging him, but i can't see them fighting or resenting each other as much as two women.
Maybe because women also can communicate better? I dunno.
no women can't. they're catty and shrewd and bottle stuff up til they blow, in the meantime passive-agressiving each other to death.
I dunno. I didn't read the article. But I suppose it's talking about growing up, and maybe boys don't feel like they can talk to mom, you know? No idea.
That's how I used to be with Paul...I'd ask him to do something and if he didn't get right on it, I resented him for it. His time schedule wasn't my time schedule. It took me a while until God laid it on my heart that I am a control freak and to let it go. Amazingly enough, he eventually got it done and I have learned a lot more patience. Also, I have found that the more I complain about him not doing it when I ask, the less likely he wants to help... funny how that works...
See, Mel? Told you it's not your fault but hers. ;)
no, it's mine. i know how she operates and i need to honor her.
yes, you are called to honor your parents. it takes the same amount of time to do it whether you do it now or later, so just do it now and make her happy. if you're in the middle of something, then say, "yes, i will. i just have to finish this first." and then do it as soon as you finish the first thing.
i know i'm telling it like it is, but i'm trying to help you to live in harmony with one another.
you're sounding like a bossy older sister, since i already said i need to change. :P
And I was just kidding, hence the wink emoticon. :P
Oh passive aggression! How well I know thee!
And despise thee! :D
Perhaps it would be helpful to sit down with your mom and simply say that you've noticed that you've both been pretty frustrated lately with each other and you would like to find a way to live more peaceably together. I enjoy living with an absolute truth agreement. That I will say exactly what I mean to say and will trust that the other person is doing the same- namely that I will go with that thought- that what they say is what they mean. We shouldn't have to try to read other people's minds once over the age of 3! Then when she asks you to do something, you can simply ask when she would like it done. She can tell you the truth and you can follow through because you will have a deadline.
It's always hard for sinful people to live together, no matter their gender ( ;) not even touching the above conversation) but we don't need to perpetuate or enable the sin -for either party.
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