redeeming thoughts
in church today the pastor was talking about having purpose and blah blah blah, and all i could think was, 'but i don't.' he mentioned college students changing their majors trying to figure it out, and then said, though i'm sure he didn't mean it to sound how he did (or at least didn't mean for me to take it like i did - which is ironic, because he was also talking about whether or not we believe what people say about us, and if we believe what GOD says about us), 'and if you don't figure it out, i know where you'll be - in your parents' basement when you're 35 playing video games.' i may not be 35 and in my parents' basement playing video games, but i'm almost 32, living with my parents, and living what seems to me a life just as pointless.
and so, i spent the rest of the sermon very down, wondering why GOD doesn't just take me home, since i'm not happy and i'm not doing anyone any good here anyway. i mean, honestly, what difference would it make if i was gone. sure, you'd have one less blog to read, and one less friend around, but you girls all have other blogs to read and other friends to hang out with. i'm so not happy here and am so not making a difference anyway.
and so i sat there trying to figure out if there is any role i play that no one else does. and i found two important reasons for me to be here. 1) who would be maid of honor in my diana's wedding if i died? and 2) i was assigned a twins player to pray for, and golldangit, i made a promise, mr. frodo; a promise.
and so i guess there are reasons why i'm here. (though for the record, i'm willing to go anytime, GOD.)
and so, i spent the rest of the sermon very down, wondering why GOD doesn't just take me home, since i'm not happy and i'm not doing anyone any good here anyway. i mean, honestly, what difference would it make if i was gone. sure, you'd have one less blog to read, and one less friend around, but you girls all have other blogs to read and other friends to hang out with. i'm so not happy here and am so not making a difference anyway.
and so i sat there trying to figure out if there is any role i play that no one else does. and i found two important reasons for me to be here. 1) who would be maid of honor in my diana's wedding if i died? and 2) i was assigned a twins player to pray for, and golldangit, i made a promise, mr. frodo; a promise.
and so i guess there are reasons why i'm here. (though for the record, i'm willing to go anytime, GOD.)
posted by melilotnfosco | 4:48 PM
9 Comments:
as wonderful as Home sounds, you know full well that there are people who want and need you to stick around for awhile longer
want, yes, i suppose; but need, well, thankfully i have my diana and my player.
It is wonderful that you are ready to go home, but you are here as an emissary for God--you are not your own person. You have been bought with a very heavy price. He chose you to be His messenger. God does not take you home because He still has plans for you here. We may not think what we are doing is worthwhile and that our lives our pointless, but GOD doesn't think so--if He did, you would be gone. We don't see the future, but GOD does. Your timetable and His timetable are different. HE knows how He wants to use you. You don't need to know. He wants your trust and complete dependence on Him and He will take care of the details.
You are NOT the person the pastor was talking about in the sermon. You have a job (even if you don't like it) and though I've never been to your house, I'm sure you are not a slob. You are responsible. You do not take your parents for granted. You volunteer and you go visit the elderly. You care about others. You are praying for others and your prayers are important.
You are where you are because it is the best place for you at the moment. God is in the refining process, giving you experiences that will help others. Focus on God and the many blessings He has given you. And keep praying.
I will stop preaching an unwelcome sermon now. But you ARE important, whether you feel like it or not. You do make a difference, whether you see it or not.
Check out Psalm 30:9 and others like it. You can do more good for God here than you can in Heaven right now. I went to an advent thing last night and was thinking about how all of life is advent, a time of waiting expectantly, only we don't have a definite date like we do with Christmas, so it's much harder. But God is all about the waiting, it seems. I feel like He especially wants me to learn this! And maybe you too. Anyway... :)
I agree with what HM said. :) This is what faith is. It's just like how you said you were going to show me "tough love" re: guys. They aren't what life is about, and neither is having the perfect job or perfect whatever. I have been praying for you on a regular basis (which is unlike me, to be honest), and I'll keep it up! I'm thinking maybe this could be a result of that! Only because I think that when we're feeling our lowest, that's when God's working in us. Also, the sermon could also have been meant to convict, not to condemn. I struggle with that a lot. Instead of learning from something (including Bible verses) and trying to do something about it, I dwell on the negative things it must mean about myself. Anyway... also going on for too long. But I will keep praying -- love you! >:D<
oh love, i feel like running into your head and beating up the bully that's talking you into thinking that. I agree with Chelle and HM -- faith is believing without understanding that GOD does not make mistakes when HE creates people for HIS world. And agree with Chelle that the pastor was trying to convict and not condemn by using a cliche example.
And I believe you need to quit your job, as it is bad for your health, happiness, and faith. I know you have been searching for an alternative job or travel or educational path that has not revealed itself yet. But why must you keep working while searching? It is draining everything out of you and it makes me sad.
What if you quit now, and take the spare time to volunteer in a variety of capacities in order to recharge yourself AND possibly find what God wants you to do through trial and error? Just to put yourself out there in different environments, doing different things, at the very least will put more on your resume if you were concerned about that. Talent, strengths, passions, purpose... none of those can be found through online research. Those are only to be found in fieldwork and exploration.
The best part is, volunteering WILL counteract depression; studies show that helping others make you happy! (http://money.usnews.com/money/personal-finance/articles/2012/04/04/why-helping-others-makes-us-happy, http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/altruism/altruism-happiness, http://www.trenchhealth.com.au/articles/VolunteerForHappiness.pdf)
This is a huge leap of faith, but something has to change. You just can't keep doing the same things and expect different results. I believe God will provide for you if you trust HIM enough to take drastic action. "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" I think of you quitting without anything set up afterward like the fishermen dropping everything to follow Jesus. Or the tax man doing the same. Faith.
I think volunteering also helps remove the focus on oneself. GOD designed us to be HIS hands and feet. WE are the body of Christ. WE were designed to help one another, especially the "least of these". I once heard someone say she was tired of hearing people say they are praying for the poor/disabled to get help, because HELLO, WE are the help. GOD also put us on earth to fulfill the Great Commission. We as believers are all useless here, no matter how much we volunteer or have a career or build a family or whatever, if we are not sharing HIS message of salvation. We can quietly pray for others to come to Christ, but we also need to be bold enough to share the message aloud or in writing or in other ways, and remember that it doesn't matter what other humans think of us, for Jesus did warn us that it is not easy, it only matters what GOD thinks of us.
GOD loves you, just as much as the sinners and the saints. Heaven is not supposed to be the easy way out (of this life). It is for those who have fulfilled their mission on Earth. My greatest desire is to someday hear "Well done, good and faithful servant."
Plus also, we may not all be your dianas or hot baseball players, but we still need you and love you and would be so so so devastated if you weren't around!
Love that, Auto! :) Thanks. :) I could definitely work on the volunteering thing -- and giving to others rather than spending money on myself. As for what I long to hear, I don't know that it's "Well done, good and faithful servant" as much as it's "I love you, just the way you are. You are valuable," etc. But those still apply. :)
Hi!
Sorry I'm so late to this! Yes!!! to what HM and Auto and everyone said (though I don't know that I believe God takes people when they are done or useless in His eyes. I really do think He sees death as tragic, but anyways) OF COURSE you are wanted here and loved. I know (well I don't but try to understand) that this time since Holsby has been one big crapbucket after another crapbucket. And that sucks. But so do lots of people's lives. There is more to life than enjoying it -though if you can figure out what would make you enjoy it then you should DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT if you can. Most of the world is stuck in terrible poverty and can't, but you can. Eyes wide open; not constrained by all the garbage that you tell yourself and believe from others. Glorify God with your life, whatever it is. But if you are miserable- then change it!
praying-
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