House's take on autism
"Why would you feel sorry for someone who gets to opt out of the inane courteous formalities which are utterly meaningless, insincere, and therefore degrading. ... Can you imagine how liberating it would be to live a life free of all the mind-numbing social niceties? I don't pity this kid, I envy him."
posted by melilotnfosco | 3:21 PM
4 Comments:
I have, from time to time, thought that we “able bodied” people are the ones with the disability. We are intentionally cynical and cruel. We prioritize the wrong things and forget to find joy in the simple. We are petty and unforgiving. Jesus said come as a child. Most of us don’t know how.
As a mom with a child with very high functioning autism and an aunt with a nephew with lower functioning autism, and a provider that works with clients daily with lower-middle of the spectrum autism, I have never understood why anyone would pity someone on the autism spectrum, they just view the world in a different way. That being said, I kind of hate the term “autism” or at least it’s over-diagnosis. My son and my nephew do have a few similarities, but their needs are vastly different as are the needs of my son’s high-functioning autistic friends and the needs of the clients we serve. No one would ever think to pity my son because until he opens his mouth, no one realizes there is anything different.
As for the social niceties...this line reminded me of the Pharisees. There were those Israelites that followed the Law with a genuine heart and those that followed the Law with the need to pretend to have a genuine heart. I think that social niceties are that way. I see them as a way of showing kindness to others and looking out for our neighbor. For me, I never felt fake when talking to someone because I truly want to know about them and my heart wants to make them feel comfortable. My autistic son is very focused on his own needs and has a very black and white view of how other people should behave. I have to actively teach him empathy. For him “social niceties” have to be taught and faked—though he is getting better at not faking them with practice.
So, in other words, social niceties with true empathy = genuine heartfelt kindness. Social niceties without empathy = pharisaical fakeness. Autistic child/adult who sees the world in black and white and who struggles with empathy = someone who has to be taught to see the world beyond his own little sphere.
It does seem like there should be something breaking autism down into different categories or diagnoses or something. Yes, it's a spectrum, but like you said, there can be big differences. The only specific autistic diagnosis I can think of is Asperger's. It feels like there should be others.
I'm one who can't stand social niceties. To me they always seem fake and I wish we could do away with them. I can totally see House's point here. To not have to go through with them just because society expects it of you would be terribly liberating.
I do think it's good that you're teaching him, though, because society does expect it, whether all of us like it or not, and because empathy is a beautiful trait that we could all stand to improve on.
I want to like all these comments! And add that I feel a little bit of both worlds. I definitely participate in the niceties sometimes, and I'm glad there's something I can quickly say but not truly engage because that might wear me out but it's nice to just acknowledge someone or else it feels awkward. But beyond that I'm not very good at. And hanging out with people who don't care about the niceties or don't fit society's expectations? It can be so refreshing and liberating sometimes! (Then again, some of them can exhaust me too, by talking my ear off and demanding all my attention -- thinking of some with Asperger's, HM. :) )
HM does have a good heart and is genuinely kind though. She's definitely an F. :) And that's why on my status that popped up in my memories recently about Anne Shirley's question, I said that HM would choose "angelically good" for different reasons than I, because it came more naturally to her. ;)
Sorry I've been MIA.
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