church
i have to go to church tomorrow. i haven't been for about six weeks or so, and i can feel it. i hate that i don't want to. i hate that people who live where they can't or it's not safe for them to go want to go so badly and do if at all possible (which is so far beyond our american definition of possible), and here i am free and able to go and not wanting to. but that's where i'm at.
part of me wants to go. part of me wants to hear a good sermon and sing praises with my fellow Believers. but then i cringe, knowing (at least feeling like i know) that the sermon will disappoint and the music will be loud, so that even if they actually sing hymns and songs with meaning that i would love to sing with my fellow Believers, i won't get to sing them because i'll be sitting in the foyer alone or feeling awkward because there's also an usher or someone out there.
i know, i know. pick a church and get involved and it will get better. no church is perfect so find one that teaches proper theology and dive in head first. i know it's true and i know it's my fault i haven't done that. but to me "church" in a practical sense means "overstimulation and loneliness." how do people do it who have actual disorders?
part of me wants to go. part of me wants to hear a good sermon and sing praises with my fellow Believers. but then i cringe, knowing (at least feeling like i know) that the sermon will disappoint and the music will be loud, so that even if they actually sing hymns and songs with meaning that i would love to sing with my fellow Believers, i won't get to sing them because i'll be sitting in the foyer alone or feeling awkward because there's also an usher or someone out there.
i know, i know. pick a church and get involved and it will get better. no church is perfect so find one that teaches proper theology and dive in head first. i know it's true and i know it's my fault i haven't done that. but to me "church" in a practical sense means "overstimulation and loneliness." how do people do it who have actual disorders?
posted by melilotnfosco | 10:59 PM
2 Comments:
Some people probably don't go, or at least to worship service. Maybe they help out during the week (e.g. Wednesday) but avoid worship, or do it online or something. Or wear ear plugs or whatnot. There's a kid who goes to mine who I can tell has autism, and he sits and holds a picture up close to his face sometimes, turning it round and round. But I wondered if you had ever tried "traditional" services, if those were less loud or any better. I know they're earlier too though, but like you said, we're pretty spoiled and "entitled" here in America (myself included, far more than you in fact, in terms of having that mentality).
(I'm glad you went anyway, good job!)
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