don't take this too seriously, it was just a thought that crossed my mind

i'm a single Christian woman. like basically every other single Christian woman, i can't help but sometimes wish God would hurry up and give me someone (and yes i know that there might not ever be anyone). it comes and goes, some times are better than others, but lately i've been praying about my singlehood a lot it seems.
i have for a long time thought that i'd be a good step-mom (which my mother has also said) (and which is interesting considering that i don't want kids). as i (and thus presumably any possible future husband) get older, i feel like it might be possible that God has me feeling that way on purpose (though yes, i know that that may not be true, either because i'm forever single or because he won't have kids).
and then the other day i put these things together and was absolutely horrified. by asking God to hurry up, i may be praying for some woman to hurry up and die already!!! i may be praying for some kid or kids to lose their mom in non-due time! i'm a horrible person! time to rethink praying for the time to be sooner rather than later!