church
as i struggled to get up for church today, i was thinking about the fact that it wasn't because i was tired this time, but simply because i didn't want to go. i often (quite often) simply don't want to go. i got to thinking about the fact that my aunt's church doesn't have music, and that that sounds nice, but music isn't 100% of why i don't want to go to church. sure it's too loud and worship leaders can be obnoxious and i strongly dislike chris tomlin, but i also like hymns and feel they strengthen Believers, and this particular church most often sings them the proper way. i managed to get myself out of bed and out the door to church, though, by reminding myself that this was the pastor's first sunday back from his sabbatical, and by telling myself that if i skipped today, there would be no way i could justify skipping on the next Communion sunday.
as i was listening to the sermon, i was thinking about the fact that that is the part i like. the teaching. why can't we just skip the whole church idea and instead go to conferences to hear sermons and lectures. that's what i would like. (yes, i know that that's not the sole purpose of church, blah, blah, blah.)
i don't like church. it's like if someone said, 'you must go out to eat and have a pork chop every sunday.'
'but i don't like pork chops.'
'it doesn't matter. if you don't eat pork chops you will die.'
'but i don't like them.'
'you just haven't found the right kind yet. now go find a pork chop that suits you, for you are required to eat them or die.'
and so i go to all sorts of different restaurants, trying pork chops all sorts of different ways. i try them with gravy (which i grew up with, so it should be comfort food), i try them with bbq sauce, i try them plain, i try them with some sort of ranch sauce. finally i find a place that has them marinated in lowry's seasoning salt and cooked on the grill. it's the best option, but i still don't like pork chops. and then because i'm eating them every week, not only do i not like them, i get tired of them.
all i want is a bagel with peanut butter.
as i was listening to the sermon, i was thinking about the fact that that is the part i like. the teaching. why can't we just skip the whole church idea and instead go to conferences to hear sermons and lectures. that's what i would like. (yes, i know that that's not the sole purpose of church, blah, blah, blah.)
i don't like church. it's like if someone said, 'you must go out to eat and have a pork chop every sunday.'
'but i don't like pork chops.'
'it doesn't matter. if you don't eat pork chops you will die.'
'but i don't like them.'
'you just haven't found the right kind yet. now go find a pork chop that suits you, for you are required to eat them or die.'
and so i go to all sorts of different restaurants, trying pork chops all sorts of different ways. i try them with gravy (which i grew up with, so it should be comfort food), i try them with bbq sauce, i try them plain, i try them with some sort of ranch sauce. finally i find a place that has them marinated in lowry's seasoning salt and cooked on the grill. it's the best option, but i still don't like pork chops. and then because i'm eating them every week, not only do i not like them, i get tired of them.
all i want is a bagel with peanut butter.
posted by melilotnfosco | 11:05 PM
19 Comments:
because apparently, again, i'm jewish, so my example is anti-pork and pro-bagel
This is where I say I feel the same way. Because I do. I don't know why. I don't know what I'm missing, or what I'm misunderstanding, or where my expectations are all screwed up. But given the choice, I too frequently choose to stay home. I'm not big on the music. I'm don't like ritual for ritual's sake. I hate the small talk aspect of it. Give me the Word - I want to be fed. And sometimes the rest of it is good too, but most of the time it just feels forced.
And then yesterday happened. I 'watermeloned' through the songs and sat through the sermon while thinking about what was for lunch. And then our pastor lost his place. And he stumbled and hesitated. And then he said, "I'm sorry. I'm not feeling well...I need to sit down." And long story short, he was rushed to the hospital with heart attack symptoms (he's ok, not a heart attack, but we didn't know all that until last night).
Suddenly we were a congregation without a pastor. We broke into small groups and started to pray. We all sensed the urgency and knew what we, as a Body, were called to do. After 10-15 minutes of prayer, the worship team got up and led us in praise. It wasn't scripted and rehearsed. It was God's people turning to Him, knowing that He is mighty to save.
That's what the Body of Christ should be. That's what church should be. Believers coming together, seeking the One who is the Answer to all things, recognizing our helplessness and encouraging one another in our faith. Throw out the programs, throw out the pretense, and be real.
We need the Body, in all its brokenness and messiness. We need to come together to be encouraged and fed, and to corporately worship and seek Yahweh. We need to be honest with each other, and urge each other to use our gifts to further the Kingdom.
I just wish we would all be more real.
i like the church. i understand the value of it, and that all the more since going to my wed night one. i just don't like going to the actual service.
A friend of mine has always done "home churches" (church at someone's home), which seems kind of interesting -- maybe more like the early church?
Anyway, I will be praying for guidance for you on this. I know you are not alone (although, doesn't it seem more and more like you're in the minority and that most of the world DOES like ritual for ritual's sake as your sister said? Sometimes I just think I'm not made of the same stuff as others).
And also, thank you for not pointing me out last Sunday! How awful. One of Piglet's old churches did that too, and I couldn't hide, as I was one of the few caucasian people there. :/
I don't know what to say yet - I need to think some more, but I want you to know that I have seen your post and am praying for you.
thank you
I was going to mention home churches, too. I'm halfway through Radical by David Platt. He was lead pastor of a megachurch in Alabama when he wrote the book (don't know if he still is). The first chapter explains why he had to write this book; he felt uneasy in this new job position knowing that none of it was how Jesus led HIS church. Jesus stuck to discipling a small group of people who believed in Him. Platt went on to describe how he did missions in Asia, joining illegal, underground house churches. He described such passionate, Bible-thirsty secret meetings! No fluff, no loud bands, no turn-and-greet-your-neighbor stuff. Sounds like what you're looking for, Mel!
"This is the question that often haunts me when I stand before a crowd of thousands of people in the church I pastor. What if we take away the cool music and the cushioned chairs? What if the screens re gone and the stage is no longer decorated? What if the air conditioning is off and the comforts are removed? Would his Word still be enough for his people to come together?
At Brook Hills we decided to try to answer this question. We actually stripped away the entertainment value and invited people to comet together simply to study God's Word for hours at a time. We called it Secret Church.
We set a date - one Friday night - when we would gather from six o'clock in the evening until midnight, and for six hours we would do nothing but study the Word and pray. We would interrupt the six-hour Bible study periodically to pray for our brothers and sisters around the world who are forced to gather secretly. We would also pray for ourselves, that we would learn to love the Word as they do."
Love it!
Makes me wanna read it and then possibly share it with my pastor, haha. (He's always talking about how he wants our church to be "real.") Just like I wanted to share "Introverts in the Church" with my last pastor! *Sigh.*
Before you went on to explain their experiment, I thought that the answer to that question would be that it would be even better, that God's Word would be even bigger. Sounds great to me. We've just been brainwashed over time into thinking the current model is the way it's supposed to be. I'm sure I've said it before, in some ways the liberty movement has reminded me of the early church, and it's what I think church should be like in many ways.
my cousins are looking to start a church in milwaukee, but rather than start with a typical church, they're going to start with discipleship groups, and then maybe think about an actual church building, but they aren't thinking that way yet.
I suppose one good thing about having a building is newcomers can then know where to go... I'm not sure how you find out about these types of churches if you don't know someone involved in one.
Ok, I'm still not sure what to say, other than that I am praying for you and that I have questions. I always have questions! ;)
So if the music is the way you like it, and the sermons are good and Scripture is well read and used and prayer is real, what else is the problem? (I'm assuming these last two about the church because I know you.) Isn't that the entire service?
I've long been fascinated/frustrated with church services. What's the point!? Then a presenter at a worship conference put it beautifully: we are there to pray together. All the songs, all the teaching, all the prayers- it's all worshipful prayer, communally communing with God. It shouldn't be about any of the people on the stage (ahem, many current worship pastors -oh my goodness!) or the pastor or even really about the congregation -other than the fact that we all together are there to pray and to encourage others in prayer.
i don't know what it is exactly. i'm sure part of it is just the feeling of aloneness that it gives me, but that's not it entirely. i don't know.
(and that's my helpful answer. ;) thank you for the prayer. :) )
I was just going to suggest it was that. :) (A lack of connection, depth, intimacy, sincerity, and thus, real growth.) I asked my friends about "home churches" -- my one friend has always done them through her family, but she said they're popular with the home school community, so that might be how to find some. Or, since [most of] your family is Christian, maybe you guys could decide to start one that way. I know this isn't the same, but three other girls and I started our own Bible study, and it's awesome (except we're on a break after one had her baby, but hopefully we'll resume in a couple of weeks). Unfortunately, you'd have to get to that point somehow. I feel like it sort of fell into my lap, but that's not entirely true if I really think about it. It's true that politics isn't something I ever expected to be a part of, but I did care so much about it that I was willing to "show up" and participate in the activities even if I was uncomfortable with them (like I told you recently I think, one way to grow in your faith is to do something you know you couldn't do without God's help). Then I started getting to know the others who did that too (well, probably many of them WANTED to show up, but you know. :) ) I have met some awesome people that way, who have both encouraged and challenged me, and now we have this little group because of it.
I'm also reading "Radical" right now (just started it). In the beginning, the author (a megachurch pastor) says he realized his ministry looked a lot different than Jesus' -- Jesus led a small group of 12 men; he was leading thousands. So there's something to that smaller group with more intimacy, I think.
I will keep praying. (Thank you, btw, for reminding me to do so. :) )
Aloneness is a big deal.
A dear friend of mine who is dealing with infertility just actually wrote about this so I'll post the link. It's not the same thing, certainly. But maybe you will find it helpful.
https://smallbutbrave.wordpress.com/2015/06/03/on-being-an-aberration-shared-experiences-arent-everything/
thank you. that's a good post.
i've been thinking and i think also what i'm feeling has to just plain do with who i am. i am an academic person. i want to learn. i want to be taught. therefore i love a good sermon. connecting with people isn't my thing. i have my close friends, and while i may feel alone sometimes, i just don't care enough to make it feel worth it to me to try to mingle with new people. music is nice, but primarily there are feelings involved, and i don't really care about feelings.
these are probably reasons why i need church. i need to experience God in different ways. whether i like it or not. and so i need to go.
however, i'm still going late tomorrow, as communion at this church is still slightly uncomfortable for me. we split into small groups and pray before taking it. we do that at other times, but at those times we're sitting, so it's easier to turn to the people by you. we have to get up to get the bread and the cup and then bring it to whatever little group we want to pray with. not comfortable for someone like me. some day.
You connect with people and care deeply about people, like the people in your Wednesday night group (and me ;) ). But it takes you maybe a lot more time (and effort) to get there than some. But maybe that could be the thing I was talking about -- the thing that's so hard to do that you can only do it by relying on God. :)
Going to read Kimberly's friend's post now, it sounds interesting!
Yes, good post, although I would've liked more about how "shared experiences aren't everything." For instance, it can help you see that you can only depend on God, not on any of your abilities, traits, experiences, etc. I loved that word "aberration" though -- yes, that is exactly what I feel like. In so many ways. Singleness, personality, physical appearance (of my body), lack of experiences others have had, politics, and I feel the list continues.
I watched "For Liberty" today. It's a movie about Ron Paul. But in it, in one of his speeches, he said something about how he had no idea so many out there felt the same as he did! And that was encouraging to me somehow. I'm not alone; I just don't know it and/or can't see it. It's like how I don't notice when my brother goes to the bathroom before me and leaves the towel ON the towel rack; I only notice it when he takes it OFF. We only notice what's different or aberrant sometimes.
I feel as though God is working in me. I feel as though my spiritual progress probably looks like the graph of one of the kids with behavior goals at school. They are a confusing mess of ups and downs daily, but over time they have a "trendline" that is progressing either upward or downward. I'm thinking/hoping mine's overall improving. But anyway, recently I was really down and upset and all that, and then after all that (including many tears), these past couple of days have had me with peace. Even with group activities and reminders that I'm "aberrant." I had a stronger sense that God is in control, that I am set apart for Him, and that is a good thing. In fact, I should be looking more and more different from the world. And God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.
Like convicting me to spend less time online... :/
You know, I don't think Shannon would say that feeling like an aberration would necessarily help you see that you can only depend on God. That not everything has to be redeemed in this life. Some things are just hard, and continually hard with seasons both of trust and doubt. But I'm not her, so I'll ask her what she says. I'm fully realizing that these are things I think.
I wouldn't like to do communion that way either.
Have you thought about doing any seminary courses? That might help fulfill your desire for learning. Though then you might want to go to church even less.
my mother keeps telling me to take one. she thinks it would be a good way for me to meet academic-type people.
Post a Comment
<< Home