how GOD smacked me upside the head this time
my diana has started coming with me to small group. she's been there twice now. i was thinking it would be good for her, and after the first time she went, she decided it would be, too.
also after the first time she went (well, and even during, and maybe some before), i didn't like that she'd be going. i was horribly jealous. these are my people, my support network, something that i've been doing on my own. for someone like me who doesn't like to do things on her own or open up to people, the fact that i did do this has made this group very personal. also, i hate mixing people, because then you have to worry about how they're doing. i didn't want to have to have that babysitting stress on my while i was there. i didn't want to be tied to her. and so i was resenting and, to be honest, regretting that she was there.
wed night, however, as people responded to what she had shared was on her heart, the thought crossed my mind, 'i guess it is good that she's here. i wish she was at least in the other small small group, though.' but then one of the women, who is an extremely tell-it-like-it-is speaker of truth (and while it doesn't matter that she's black, i'll go ahead and tell you that she is, because that gives you a better idea of her tell-it-like-it-is capabilities) started talking. i'm still not quite sure that my diana recognized that these were words she need to hear, but i know that they were. this woman came across the circle, knelt before her, took my diana's hands in hers, and spoke honest, direct, simple truth. and while my diana closed her eyes and listened, the tears in my eyes started to fall. she is my best friend. i wanted her to hear those words spoken to her so badly. you can't help but feel the SPIRIT radiating from the woman who was speaking, and so i had to believe my diana felt the SPIRIT speaking to her. this is what i was hoping for when i invited her to the group. and my diana is my best friend. how can i not want her to be somewhere that will help her heal and grow? how dare i be so selfish? so mean, really. that needs to change. now.
also after the first time she went (well, and even during, and maybe some before), i didn't like that she'd be going. i was horribly jealous. these are my people, my support network, something that i've been doing on my own. for someone like me who doesn't like to do things on her own or open up to people, the fact that i did do this has made this group very personal. also, i hate mixing people, because then you have to worry about how they're doing. i didn't want to have to have that babysitting stress on my while i was there. i didn't want to be tied to her. and so i was resenting and, to be honest, regretting that she was there.
wed night, however, as people responded to what she had shared was on her heart, the thought crossed my mind, 'i guess it is good that she's here. i wish she was at least in the other small small group, though.' but then one of the women, who is an extremely tell-it-like-it-is speaker of truth (and while it doesn't matter that she's black, i'll go ahead and tell you that she is, because that gives you a better idea of her tell-it-like-it-is capabilities) started talking. i'm still not quite sure that my diana recognized that these were words she need to hear, but i know that they were. this woman came across the circle, knelt before her, took my diana's hands in hers, and spoke honest, direct, simple truth. and while my diana closed her eyes and listened, the tears in my eyes started to fall. she is my best friend. i wanted her to hear those words spoken to her so badly. you can't help but feel the SPIRIT radiating from the woman who was speaking, and so i had to believe my diana felt the SPIRIT speaking to her. this is what i was hoping for when i invited her to the group. and my diana is my best friend. how can i not want her to be somewhere that will help her heal and grow? how dare i be so selfish? so mean, really. that needs to change. now.
posted by melilotnfosco | 9:57 PM
5 Comments:
Hmm, well, I did want more specific details, but I'm still happy about this. :) And I understand completely, the part about thinking it's yours and not wanting others to come in and sort of take that from you. But I keep forgetting your Diana is back. I keep thinking she's out traveling the world with just her clothes and a backpack.
:) she got back shortly after i did.
and sorry - these are the specific details. GOD told me i needed to stop being a selfish little brat.
:P
Praise the Lord she's got you to introduce her to your special group and special people! God's using you :-)
Sorry I'm slow to this one- That is so great that your Dianna was able to go with you! (but also very understandable that it would be hard for you- maybe if you think about it like the Holsby hill?- great on our own, even better with a friend!)
I'll be praying that the group is as helpful for her as it has been for you.
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