Travel Journal - Oxford, pt. 4 pt. a

Day Eleven - In the afternoon I went to Magdalen College's Botanic Garden, which had been recommended by the Tolkien Society. I found the tree by which he stood in the last known picture of him, which really is an impressive tree, but other than that, I wasn't too enthused. It was pretty, yes, but I felt that there really were other things I would rather have seen. Next time, I guess. The morning, though, had been, I don't know what the right word would be. Meaningful? Notable? Affecting? I've been looking at thesaurus.com for the past I don't know how long not finding the word to convey what I mean. This is the morning I went to Tolkien's grave alone. I was there for over an hour. And I cried. I couldn't help but wonder if anyone who saw me there thought I was some pathetic fantasy nerd who was overwhelmed by crazy American sentiments toward her hero, the kind of American fan Tolkien never understood, and while he never said it in so many words, frankly didn't like. But that's not it. I cried out of thankfulness and appreciation for all the times he's been a light to me in a dark place, all the times he's helped pull me out of despondency. I cried out of admiration for the way he let his faith permeate his life, which is what allowed him to help me as he has. I cried for him not knowing that. I cried for the fact that I feel like one of the people I feel would most understand me lived and died before I was born, so I'm not able to know him. I cried for all the discussions we could have had. I cried for the fact that I was fulfilling a dream just by being at the grave. Was it all a tad ridiculous? Maybe to others. To me it was a natural reaction, one of gratitude and regard. Maybe after all this I did need to just go to that garden and sit by a tree. Late in the afternoon I went to his church for Mass. Those old Catholic churches leave a woman in awe. Such reverence for GOD in a place like that. Also, I was overwhelmed by the thought of the Body of CHRIST, stretching over millennia and nations and denominations. Beautiful. And that was most of my day.