apparently i'm just not a girl anymore
i went to my cousin's son's wedding tonight. the bride was beautiful, the groom was happy, the cake was good. blah blah blah. the older i get, though, the more i realize i don't like weddings. so much of it is cheesy - the unity candle, the songs, the made-up vows (cuz heaven knows you can't just recite the standard ones anymore - people want to know how you really feel about each other). and as far as a wedding for me would go, i want the dress, but is it worth having to stand up there and have people stare at you for 45 minutes? is it worth having to do the whole receiving line thing? and no matter how hard you try to dissuade people from making you kiss at the reception, they do and your food gets cold (or, in my hypothetical wedding situation, my ice cream melts). you have to listen to speeches that neither you nor your guests want to have to sit through; and those making them don't want to have to do it either. and, while i know i wouldn't have to have one (and i won't), i don't like dances (seriously? white people dancing? no one wants to see that) (unless it's ballroom dancing - then i'm all for it).
the more i think about weddings, the more i think i don't want one.
the more i think about weddings, the more i think i don't want one.
posted by melilotnfosco | 11:37 PM
15 Comments:
i said this to my mom awhile ago, saying i'd like to elope, then just have cake and ice cream at our house like we do for brandybuck birthdays. her response was, 'do you think brandybucks would let you get away with that?'
You can always do it your own way. But yeah, when Mr. Darcy asked me how I'm ever gonna plan a wedding (since I don't like to plan), I answered sort of the same -- that I'd just elope because I don't want that many people staring at me while I walk down the aisle anyway. :P The wedding I'm going to on New Year's Day isn't going to have dancing. And I think it also has to do with how well you know the couple. Because I did enjoy Autosmiler's. :)
As for your comment, I think you're stubborn enough to do what you want. ;)
autosmiler's was way super fun, i'll give you that :D
i didn't have a dance. or people clanging their glasses. or speeches that mean nothing to anybody except the bridal party. and you're totally allowed to do traditional vows - i really like it when they do.
but to add to your post, one of the things i dislike most is when dear cousin josephine sings at the wedding, and everybody knows she's a horrible singer, but she's the dear cousin, and she and aunt lulu think she sings oh so well. we love you, cousin josephine...you can serve the cake.
and for those of you wondering, no, there isn't really a dear cousin josephine who i'm not so secretly bashing. but i've been to plenty of weddings where i'm fairly certain that's how they chose their soloist.
We had traditional vows and no dancing...and I think the whole thing--reception and all--was done in under 2 hours. But I do regret not having a father/daughter dance...
We did traditional vows as well, but not traditional English ones. I think they were Gaelic ones.
And no dancing -because my parents still think it's evil. Poor Josh's family!
I got to go to a Chilean wedding where the dance was super fun. I think it really depends on the crowd.
If I got to go back in time and re-do it, it would be a backyard bbq.
I think it doesn't matter what other people want- you should just do whatever it is you want to do.
hehe people are getting defensive about their own weddings in response to your post. thanks for enjoying my wedding, though :-)
no one was a fan of my wanting to elope to avoid the expenses as much as the pleasantries… not even my husband. in the end, i think they were right for making sure we didn't elope because…
1. it was so awesome to see my friends and family there all in one place, finally meeting each other!
2. i realised that the main purpose of the wedding is for the bride and groom to make a vow before God and His witnesses to honour Him and each other above all else. eloping means your only human witness is the elvis impersonator celebrant. it meant a lot to me that my friends/family were our witnesses
3. i had fun at my wedding despite it being a wedding, and we now have a fantastic day to recall and relive (which is helpful when we are bored at someone else's wedding…)
4. i have always wanted to be serenaded
5. a rural school in Kenya now has a special education classroom and several children are now sponsored to attend it… all because we had a wedding!
Although, to be specific, our generous guests built that classroom :-) And my husband pointed out that beyond that, it's because we didn't do a small backyard wedding (which i suggested instead of eloping) but one that had a lot of people at both the ceremony and the reception.
last weekend we went to a wedding that had its reception starting at 6:30, the wedding party came in at 7ish, which included long intros for each of the 8 people in the wedding party AND a long talk by the best man about how they became friends. then dinner served at 8pm and by 9pm, i started taking food from the dessert table and i was told i wasn't supposed to do that until after their speeches coming up, and i was like, didn't they already do the speeches? and no one told me i couldn't go to the table bc it's right by the drinks in the middle of the room, had no signs, and we'd finished dinner half an hour ago. Anyway, we left (rudely, i know) just as they were beginning speeches around 9:15pm. around 10:30pm i saw on FB someone posted a picture of the couple's first dance! i wondered whether their speeches went on that long, or there was a gap of time between speeches and dance, or whoever posted the picture waited a while to post…
don't worry, I know or am sure that you all had lovely weddings. and I know I can do whatever I want if I have one. it's just that after awhile they all look the same, and that same is, in general, cheesy. we'll see what happens if/when I ever get to that point.
and auto, that other wedding? yowzah!
i don't think we're being defensive - i think we're just saying do it your way. while yes, there are general similarities between weddings, there's no set rulebook. our pastor told us the only things we HAD to do was make vows of 1) permanence and 2) faithfulness. other than that, do whatever you want.
I wasn't feeling defensive at all...just reminiscing. But I agree...it's your wedding, do it your way...including eloping if you want. Much more practical really...
when i went through the wedding planning process and complained about it, i got annoyed and tired of people telling me i can do whatever i want at my wedding since it's "mine". if it were truly "my" wedding, i'd have worn jeans, no makeup, and requested guests to bring food to a potluck. i wouldn't have had a reception or banquet, or even the "normal" ceremony. i was never one to dream about the dress or preplan the wedding from childhood. in fact, i didn't think about it at all until I was proposed to.
the problem is, people expect the cheesiness and if you stray too far away from it, people don't feel like it's a wedding. And when i say "people" I don't just mean the guests. Both our mothers needed most of the traditional things. and I mean * needed * or else they'd be really upset. I discovered this first hand. I mean, whenever I said "I don't want ___" (flowers, a luncheon, a banquet, a limo, a reception, a cake, paper invites, ETC!!!!) the response was always "ok that's fine we'll pay for it." It didn't matter that I didn't want things not just for the cost, but because I just didn't want it. My husband, too, wanted traditional wedding things more than I did.
In the end, like I said, I'm glad we didn't elope, and I'm glad to have pleased my parents and in-laws with the more traditional items (especially since we didn't have to pay for them!), because their happiness and pride means more to me than having a more casual or nontraditional event. And despite it all, I can look back and remember only the highlights of the day, not the fact that I was caked in makeup and hairspray all day that took forever to wash off, or we had so many flowers to toss out (what a waste!), etc. It was all worth it. :-)
:)
*like* Auto's comment :)
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