speaking of being dissatisfied...
I liked this part of "The Words." Rory [sad, I know], after three years of struggling to make it as a writer, breaks down, ranting.Dora: "What is the matter with you?"
Rory: "I, I don't...How the *f* do you end up here?"
Dora: "Rory..."
Rory: "I mean, I look at my life, I look at your life, I look at his life, I look at my father's life, I look at everybody's life, and I don't have a *f*ing clue how anybody ends up where they do. I, I don't know. I don't know! I. Don't. Know."
Dora: "It's okay! You don't have to know! There's so much time, Rory."
Rory: "I'm talking about my *f*ing life here."
Dora: "What about your life?"
Rory: "It's not right! Nothing's right!"
Dora: "Rory, how is that supposed to make me feel? How's that supposed to make me feel?"
Rory: "I'm not who I thought I was, okay? I'm not. And I'm terrified that I never will be."
I understand.
posted by melilotnfosco | 11:55 PM
9 Comments:
i know you understand, and i'm truly sorry you feel that way. but i have to say i relate to dora: "how is that supposed to make me feel?"
you have this ongoing dissatisfaction with your life, and we've been trying to be supportive, but i don't know how we can help. we encourage you, and you tear down everything we say. you're becoming increasingly withdrawn and i don't know what to do.
just know that i love you and i am here for you. you may think your life isn't what it should be, but please know that you are loved and there are a lot of people who care about you and think you're pretty great.
I was just thanking God for you yesterday -- when you reminded me he'll ask if/when he wants. I dunno; just thankful for good friends like you. :)
Sorry, I know that's not really the point of the post. But I thought of it after reading HS's comment. Will keep praying for a breakthrough and trust/willingness on your part, but also peace whether there's a breakthrough or not, because we're meant to be dissatisfied with this life, but continue on anyway in faith and hope.
I definitely have moments where I feel like "Rory." And I feel guilty about how they must make others who love me feel. Same with my comments about how I look, guys, etc. But I do it anyway. :(
i'm not saying feel guilty. please don't. what i'm saying is that other than loving you and being here for you and praying for you, we're helpless. until you find peace with who you are and where you are in life, nothing we say or do will matter.
it's okay to ask for help.
Don't worry about how it makes others feel. (Unless you're talking about someone in the exact same situation and calling down on their life because it is similar to yours, then please do choose your words carefully! :) ) Otherwise, let us have it. We can take it, and it will be good for you to feel heard. We will continue to pray and stand by you. We can't change your life. Only you can do that. And maybe even you can't. Lots of people all over the world can not change their lives. I do believe the words are "Life is pain, Highness." ;) But if you can change it, then GO! DO! And we'll be right here praying for you!
And maybe it needs to start with small changes. Not big moving/job/boys/whatisGod'swillformylife??? kind of changes, but little things like exercising, or going to concerts, learning more about theology (these are mine, not saying they have to be yours) so that you can work up your courage for the big things.
I just read an article (email?) yesterday about starting to say yes more often (to the little things, but that grows).
sorry - i didn't mean to imply that i'm there right now. is there always a part of me that needs to not go inside my head? yes. but i've been doing well and not giving into it lately. i'm just saying that i understand what that feels like. i also like that it was so real.
but thank you all for being supportive
Oh good!
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