alright, let's get real

the last few months have been hard. very hard. as one who has struggled with depression, i don't use that word lightly, so i wouldn't say i was at that point, but i felt things spiralling in that direction. the length and severity of the hopeless time was the worst it had been since that terrible time ten years ago. after i commented a few weeks ago on my pastor's wife's blog about that awful time, i had a couple days where i really felt that i was being lifted up in prayer, knowing i was by both her and purple cousin. i thought things were maybe looking up. but in the week or two that followed i felt that darkness coming over me more strongly.
finally, yesterday we had our sunday school picnic. i didn't want to go. a month ago when i first heard about it, okay, that sounded harmless enough, but by yesterday, there was just no way i had the energy to go be alone with people. i pulled out of the parking lot, got to the end of the block, and heard my niece, who recently said she had to go to supper with people because she could feel herself withdrawing. and so i went back to church, got the directions to the park we'd be at, and went. nothing spectacular, i'm sure i was boring company, but i knew i had to be there, so in that respect i was glad i went.
but then i went home and wished that someone would call and ask me over just to hang out. i didn't have the energy to do it myself, though. then around 4:30 jeanie called to ask if i wanted to go to a worship service with her and her roommate. i said sure, hoping that this would finally be the thing that would break through. but we got there and they sang only two songs, which i didn't know and were repetitive, and then it was a man talking about the power of the HOLY SPIRIT. i groaned inwardly. i didn't want to listen to a talk. i didn't want to hear some charismatic healing craziness, but seeing as i didn't drive, i was stuck.
when the guy finished talking, he told us to get into groups of three or four and pray for healing for one another. we had a fourth girl join our group, then shared what we needed healing for. we laid hands on one another and prayed for each other. we sat around for a bit while the speaker then prayed for healing for people, but after a time we decided it was time to go.
as we walked out the door, i realized i felt lighter, not just in my mind and spirit, but physically lighter, through the shoulders. and the night was good. and today was good. i believe some real healing went on last night. seeing as i'm a skeptic of everything and prone to disbelief, i've been making an effort today to not let doubt creep back in. 'LORD, i believe - help me in my unbelief!' there's nothing saying HE can't just wipe out , for lack of a better word, depression. in fact, HE's the only One Who can. i have to believe HE did.