and the guy
we went to a concert last night. way too loud to talk (he apologized for that). the first two bands weren't great (just loud), but the group we actually went to see (which i had never heard of) was good. i felt bad, though, because he paid again. he wouldn't even let me pay for parking. (i keep telling myself that since he's in the military, it's okay, because that means i'm getting a little of my tax money back.) he opened my car door, too, which was nice, but again made me feel bad. i really don't see this going anywhere, so i feel like i'm taking advantage of the poor boy. and with the car door thing i definitely feel like he's thinking there may be more.
we ran into my diana at the concert, though, and all i could think was, 'oh my gosh - you two! i want to hook you up!'
we ran into my diana at the concert, though, and all i could think was, 'oh my gosh - you two! i want to hook you up!'
posted by melilotnfosco | 9:39 PM
13 Comments:
Such a gentleman! And lol- tax back ... But it's not taking advantage if you're still not 100% sure, and you guys haven't had a DTR talk. Plus also you have been offering and he has been insisting on paying for stuff, so it's not your fault and you're not actively taking advantage. Plus also since you only recently met and haven't seen him with others, he might be that way with all his friends, and not really expecting toward more just bc he is such a gentleman... Just some thoughts!
What Auto said. :)
Yes to what Auto said. You told him you like an old-fashioned guy, so he's being a gentleman!
What's a DTR talk?
Have you really had enough time with him to be sure that you're not sure? Perhaps there has been too much stress and change lately? I would hate for you to walk away from something because your mind is too tired to deal with yet something else that's new. I certainly have done that! BUT of course, none of us have met him and we totally trust your judgement!
dtr - defining the relationship. would've thought you knew that after holsby. ;) i wonder how many of those have gone on there...
and i know it's probably too soon to know, but i just have a feeling. i will be giving him a couple more chances, though. my diana said three dates, but since we couldn't talk at the concert, i don't know if that counts. we'll see.
and actually on sat i was very annoyed with the whole thing, because i was too tired and had too much stuff going on, and he was the one thing i could cut out, but couldn't cuz that would be rude. so you may have a point there, kimberly.
some rambling thoughts
- you don't have to like him. never ever feel like you have to settle.
- while you should never ever feel like you have to settle, you also shouldn't set unrealistically high expectations and then be disappointed if he's not perfect.
- there's nothing wrong with being friends, and if something happens, it happens, and if not, it doesn't. and we could all just leave it at that and not pressure you.
- there is a lot going on right now, and yes, he's the one thing you can cut out. it's ok to tell him that and, if you want, leave it open-ended and maybe get together in a month or two.
- if it's just not a good fit, or not good timing, or whatever, that's ok. but please don't be afraid of trying because you're afraid of getting hurt. don't be afraid to allow yourself to feel. sometimes that means opening up to heartache, and that sucks, but it's okay to be vulnerable.
- thank you.
- i really don't think my expectations are too high. (see spoiling point for a brilliant post on this.) (but not quite yet, as i haven't written it yet. give me 1/2 hour.) there are just never any opportunities. guys don't pursue me!
- and thank you. i feel like everyone else is more into this than i am, and it's slightly irritating (sorry i snapped at you the other day).
- i'll have to think about that one. i don't want to come across as rude/mean, but at the same time, i want to be fair to him.
- i'm not afraid of getting hurt (at this point). i'm just not really attracted to him. but yes, someday with some guy that will probably be an issue.
so you admit they were dates then ;)
they weren't dates. we're deciding if we should be friends or nemeses. 'date' is just a convenient word.
You know, I wasn't really attracted to Josh when it became a serious possibility of something happening. I had been in high school when it would not have been life changing to date. But suddenly, in university, when much in my life would change with marriage, then I couldn't be attracted to him because it was too scary. My heart yelled "Run!" even though my head (and everyone else) knew that we were perfect for each other and should end up together. If it were not for some very blunt friends (of which you were one!) we wouldn't be together now.
Of course, we your friends are all more excited than you are about this. It's because we can afford to be! In addition to my "dating sucks" advice, I should add "except for your friends." Friends love a bit of happy drama and don't have much to loose in the situation!! They also don't have any big decisions to try to make!! Much easier to be happy!!!
Dating sucks. It really really really does. My only advice would be go way old-school: to use your head and not your heart.
oh yes, defining the relationship. That makes sense, I've just always called it "the talk."
Three dates? That seems quick. But then again, it took me and Josh almost 6 years. That might be a little slow for some! ;D
The concert certainly doesn't count in my books!
"Use your head and not your heart" -- I just don't know about that... but maybe that's why I get into the trouble I do!
I can't think of anything to add that hasn't already been said except that my husband told me on our one year wedding anniversary that he almost broke up with me after dating me for two weeks because he didn't like the way I held hands and couldn't see a future with someone who held hands like I do (he still doesn't like holding my hand when we're walking...something about me holding my arm too straight or not straight enough or swinging it or something...)...ANYWAY...it just so happens that we had already made plans to meet his family that weekend so I went to meet them and they loved me, which made him really assess our relationship... and now here we are 10 years later...I tend to hold his elbow rather than his hand when we're walking now... So, don't rule him out entirely yet. I say wait until stress dies down and then reevaluate your opinion.
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