prayer ministry update
GOD and I had a conversation the other night. Okay, not so much a conversation (as Dharma's Indian spirit guide would be sure to point out), as a me talking a lot.
The thing is, I don't like having a prayer ministry. I don't. I don't like being committed to pray for these people. It's not that I don't like the people, and it's not that I don't think it's a blessing to be asked to pray for them. It's just that, I don't know, I'm not good at prayer. I don't like it. 'Like' is not the right word. There are times when I like it very much. It's just that those times are so few and far between that I don't like to be committed to praying in between times. And I don't like feeling guilty if I don't do it.
I find it boring. I know it should never be boring to come into the presence of the Holy Almighty GOD, to be invited into HIS throneroom. But that doesn't mean that that's not how I feel. I find it frustratingly boring.
The nice thing about GOD is that I can tell HIM this. HE knows it anyway, so why not try to talk it through with HIM. The not nice thing about GOD is that HE's often silent; either because HE doesn't say anything at the time, or because HE's not flesh and blood in front of me talking back. If I start talking with someone, I want them to converse back, and with words I understand!
And don't give me that, 'HE speaks to your heart' crap. It's true. It is. But sometimes it would be nice if I could see and hear HIM on my plane. And not as the Biblical JESUS. 'Oh, but GOD did come to earth to be one of us.' Yeah, well, I wasn't there at the time. I've never gotten to have a real conversation with HIM.
Those are all the thoughts for right now. I don't care if it flows or if it's abrupt. That's my prayer ministry update.
The thing is, I don't like having a prayer ministry. I don't. I don't like being committed to pray for these people. It's not that I don't like the people, and it's not that I don't think it's a blessing to be asked to pray for them. It's just that, I don't know, I'm not good at prayer. I don't like it. 'Like' is not the right word. There are times when I like it very much. It's just that those times are so few and far between that I don't like to be committed to praying in between times. And I don't like feeling guilty if I don't do it.
I find it boring. I know it should never be boring to come into the presence of the Holy Almighty GOD, to be invited into HIS throneroom. But that doesn't mean that that's not how I feel. I find it frustratingly boring.
The nice thing about GOD is that I can tell HIM this. HE knows it anyway, so why not try to talk it through with HIM. The not nice thing about GOD is that HE's often silent; either because HE doesn't say anything at the time, or because HE's not flesh and blood in front of me talking back. If I start talking with someone, I want them to converse back, and with words I understand!
And don't give me that, 'HE speaks to your heart' crap. It's true. It is. But sometimes it would be nice if I could see and hear HIM on my plane. And not as the Biblical JESUS. 'Oh, but GOD did come to earth to be one of us.' Yeah, well, I wasn't there at the time. I've never gotten to have a real conversation with HIM.
Those are all the thoughts for right now. I don't care if it flows or if it's abrupt. That's my prayer ministry update.
posted by melilotnfosco | 8:47 PM
4 Comments:
I agree, sometimes I'd really like to see Him in person! If nothing else, for a hug. :)
I would find it boring and difficult too.
thank you girls :)
i know what you mean. i don't want my prayer to be one-sided, but so often, that's how it feels.
do i have any brilliant sage advice? no. sorry. but i'm praying for you. what you're doing is so important. i'm proud of you for sticking with it.
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