Zech. 4:6 - there's no other way

When I've been at the retreat center the last couple years, I have felt very clearly what GOD wanted me to pray about/read/learn. This year, as excited as I was to go, I got there and felt nothing. It was nice to get away for a few days, into the great outdoors and to be alone, but I was wondering if this was all a waste of money and I could've just as well gone to the rose garden in Minneapolis by myself for nature and alone time. At the end of my time there, I still wasn't sure that there had been a point.

Funny how things can hit you later.

I had forgotten to ask people for prayer requests, so other than the one Hobbitsister gave me on my way to the retreat, I didn't have anything specific in mind as to what to pray about. Seeing as I'm on the Baseball Chapel prayer team (but hadn't remembered to print out their prayer request page), I decided I'd start by praying for the Twins.

So I did, and then told GOD that I don't understand why HE has given me such a passion for baseball. Without knowing any of the guys and their wives, there's not really a ministry for me with that - it's not like I can start a Bible study or something. If GOD wants me to have a ministry with them, HE'll have to figure out a way for me to meet someone. In the meantime I guess I'll just pray for them because I don't know what else to do.

So then I prayed for the wives. "But GOD, how can I be a witness to them if I don't even know them? This is frustrating. I guess I'll just pray for them because I don't know how else I can help further YOUR Kingdom with them if YOU don't introduce me to one."

Prayer is hard for me. It always has been. I failed prayer class at Bible school, for pete's sake. I try not to tell people, "I'll be praying for you," because there's a good chance I won't be, at least not consistently. I will once, and then I'll promptly forget to do it again, or else lose concentration when I try again later, or just plain get tired of praying the same thing over and over and then quit. Prayer is not my thing, it's not my gift, and no matter how many books I read on it or how many times my friends tell me it's a wonderful thing, I don't think it will be.

"GOD, YOU know I'm not good at prayer. Clearly YOU must have something bigger in mind for me to do for these players and their wives. Please show me what it is, and in the mean time help me to be patient until YOU tell me what it is."

No big voice came and told me what else I could do. I left the retreat place disappointed. "Fine, GOD, I guess I'll just have to be patient until you tell me what to do. In the meantime I guess I'll just pray for the players and their families. But really, GOD, I'm not good at pra..."

Oh.

HIS power is made perfect in weakness. And prayer is definitely one of mine. And pray not do? That's even harder. How is that even somethi...Oh. It's called a prayer ministry? Interesting. Prayer in and of itself counts as doing something.

So I guess I did get something out of my time at the retreat after all. Apparently, GOD has called me to one of the most difficult ministries HE could call me to. Faithfulness in prayer. Scary.

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ …" - Colossians 4:2-3 (quoted on the Baseball Chapel prayer page)