a solution to our pitching problem

With Slowey out and our other starters being inconsistent lately (though doing well the last few games) thus overtiring our relief pitchers, the Twins could use another arm. Well, Delores was reading the paper, and I asked if I could borrow the sports page. She asked if there was anything good in it, and I told her that the Twins had won, but mentioned that we could use a pitcher.

Delores: I'll do it.

Me: You'll pitch for the Twins?

Delores: Yes. I can pitch. I'm a pitcher.

Me: Are you good?

Delores: Oh, yes. And I can hit.

Me: Oh, I definitely can't do that.

Delores: It's easy. You see the ball coming at you [dramatic pause], then you bang it out of the park!

Me: Well, there you go then! I'll let them know.

Delores: Do.

So, dear Twins,

Delores is a good pitcher who would be willing to play for you. Please consider her talent as you look toward a pennant race.

Sincerely,

Melilot Brandybuck